Well my life has lost all hope my car is crap my family is insufferable literally the only thing in my life is my job and I hate that I really do the only reason I like going to work is that I can get away from my mother and her boyfriend between work and school I manage to get some home work done but it's barley enough to pass the only nice thing in my life is my iPod and that's become my life ps I had to steal it from my brother I live in the middle of nowhere the nearest human contact is 8 miles away I'm so poor that dirt laughs at me I have no friends literally none I had things going for me once but thats been totaled but what the hell life's a bitch and I can't get high so I might as well die my bitch of an ex girlfriend made it it her mission to make sure I stay single by telling every girl at my school that I beat her and choked her even though I haven't laid a hurtful hand on any woman in my life theres a woman I can't stop thinking about but I don't know how she feels about me every time I try to talk to her she ignores me I know there's alot of things wrong with me I have a bad back a quiet personality and I'm always uncomfortable around people and I couldn't hold a conversation to save my life and that's just the tip of the iceberg but that doesn't mean I should be forced in to anonymity by all around me I truly hate waking up every day I usually wake up 2 hours before my alarm and I just lay there hoping I'll just die but of corse I don't and of corse I drag my self out of bed and go to school rain or shine sicker than a dog or not I show up every day only because I want to escape this crappy little trailer that I'm forced to call home masturbation has lost all enjoyment all I want is to smoke a blunt drink a beer and spend time with the woman I burn for all while having a car sitting outside that runs like it should one that I could jump in and go to work with out worrying if it'll make it or not but no I'm constantly reminded that I live in a trailer in the middle if nowhere with no friends no girlfriend no human contact what so ever just me my stollen iPod and my thoughts I lie awake at night thinking of ways out and then realize what's the point in trying I don't have enough money to make it to the only place I feel at home that's over 8 hundred miles away the scars on my arm are the the only thing that reminds me I'm alive it's really sad waking up alone unable to change things because your really stuck I a loop school work school work family drama school work and repeat I'm trying to finish my schooling I crappy am but if something doesn't change then I might not live that long I just want the simple things in life a beer a blunt a car that's reliable and woman to love every thing else I can bear I've been forced to stay sober for almost 2 years now and I'm tired of it the people here think that weed is so bad and so evil that it's worse than meth and so much other bullshit that it's just surprising every time things look up they get crushed down and I'm so sick of it I'm not religious and I hate douche bags that think their lives are so bad because their momy bought them the wrong color car for their birthdays or some shit like that I should probably just kill my self and be done with every thing that way nothing would ever suck it would just be sleep for ever and longer it would be bliss...
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You express yourself well and you are probably good company. Study a new language or two online and join a forum for it. It's all free. If there's one thing solitude can do for you, it's being able to focus on hard subjects with no interference. Make it work for you and start using your communication skills online. If you're paranoid (as I am....) check out some good conspiracy forums. Talking about all the weird shit happening in the world will get you out of feeling so limited. There aren't too many thinkers around anymore and probably you are one, so of course you feel a little odd.
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