I should have the perfect life. My parents love each other, I get along with my siblings, I'm already set for college even though I'm only a sophomore in high school. I get all A's (literally), I have friends, I have a church family. But somehow, I hate my life.
Everyday goes by in a flash, and I never accomplish anything. There is no logical answer as to what my point here on Earth is. I even doubt my faith. I've been a Christian my whole life, I go to church every Sunday. Yet somehow, I just can't comprehend that God is real. Everyone I'm friends with and everyone I'm related to are Christians, and I can't live up to their standards.
Everyone looks at me and says "Wow, she must not have any problems at all. Her life is perfect." Lies. My life is perfect for someone else.
I want to face problems, actually have to do something with my life. I want to go live in Iraq and Somalia. I want to be faced with hardships. I want to help other people. How the heck am I supposed to help if the best I can do currently is donate 2 pieces of rice for doing some stupid vocabulary?
I don't know what to believe. But I want somebody to know what I'm feeling. No, I don't want pity. Yes, I want to tell what I've been hiding.
And even this story is a lie. Me? Go out and help people? I'm scared to talk to boys. I'll probably go through life find a nice boy and live the average American Dream. I don't want that. And I know I'm selfish for saying that. Millions, billions of people wish to have enough food for the day.
I am a bitch. My life should be the best. And I take all of it for granted.
I want to be a better person, I want to not throw my life down the shithole, I want to stop abusing the internet, I want to be happy. But I never take the first step. | |
But because of our religious, or biased upbringings. We inevitebly receive a very limited outlook on life, and in a lot of cases (such as christianity) we are brought up being discouraged to question the credibility of such concepts. With that said, it's very hard sometimes for people to step outside of their general thinking, And question the concepts of life, morality, and religion, that they have grown accustomed to.
I'm not here to tell you that God is or isn't real, or that Buddha is or isn't either. But just to say never stop questioning, Really challenge your beliefs and be open to different concepts. It may strengthen your beliefs, or you may learn something new about yourself, but do not be afraid to question or learn because you think it might be a sin, or that it goes against your beliefs. This type of thinking really helps when you feel stuck, or trapped in a world that logically doesn't make sense to you. We feel stuck because not everything matches up with the way we think, but we feel forced to believe in it anyways because of our upbringing.
As far as being productive, I know the feeling. That is something I still have issues with. We're a very lethargic generation (I'm 20) we grew up with internet, computers, and cell phones, a very fast paced era where information is digitalized and no longer had to be a physical form which required physical movement. We consume so much information now that it seems to have lessened the value of that information, and because of that it's hard to decipher what is more important to us.
And it is such a great thing to want to help others. That is really what this world needs. But don't be discouraged and think you can't do anything about it, there are organizations out there specifically for helping others, such as peace corps and can make a huge difference on your life.
I hope for the best in your journey of life, take care!
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