LIFE SUCKS

FML

I met the man of my dreams, at a transition time in my life. I was going through my mid-life crisis, and completely screwed things up with him. I texted him for two years after he ended things, because I couldn't stop my stupid soul from loving him. He is perfect. He was the one, and I was such a mess. I didn't see it until it was way too late. I've never been married or pregnant, so I find myself middle aged with no children, husband, or friends (besides fake FB friends). I haven't had a date for 2 years, and see my youth slipping away with nothing to show for my 36 years on this earth. The worst part of it is, even if I do find someone, I'm still in love with the one who rejected me. I will always know that I settled if I ever get together with anyone else because I've already met the best man alive. For all the good that I have always been told I am, he's better than me. Not that he thinks he's better than anyone. He would say he only attempts to be better than his best self, and I should love myself to begin to move on. He still cares about my well being after I scared the daylights out if him. I was a total creeper for two years, and yet he still cares about me to root me on in my quest to replace him. The problem is, how do you replace the only man you could ever see yourself loving. I try not to love him, but he's the most possitive, like-minded, intelligent, gentle, manly, perfect man I have or will ever know. And, now he's gone. He was my last chance to be chosen. Now I know I will die old and alone never knowing what it is to be a wife or mother. I still remain possitive. I'm not a suicide case or anything. I'm a happy-cornball who will spend the rest of her life heartbroken. Every time I see a family I meditate to surpress my sadness. I've become very introverted, and extremely quiet. I type my words now, but hardly say 5 words a day. I'm getting better at surpression. I fill my life with museums, plays, musicals, parades, movies, or various other outings, but it means nothing without him to share it with. Now I just wait for my end. I still laugh and smile, but inside I wait and pray for the next 60 years to go really fast. Oh well. Let the countdown begin.