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I lost my wife suddenly

Posted by Lowell at January 3, 2012
Tags: Death  2012 January

All at once and with no warning. I had been out of town the week before, was a planned business trip. Somewhat rare for me to be gone for that length of time. Many weeks before we had planned to see a musician we both liked on the evening I returned. We did and stayed out much later than an old (21 years) married couple like us usually did.

We got home about 2AM and I very shortly went to bed, she stayed up a while. I woke much later than usual, never forget the time, it was 10:10 AM when I got up and went to the kitchen to make a pot of coffee. I found her on the kitchen floor, on her side, with a hand under her head like a pillow. I thought she had not made it to the couch or bed. I chided her verbally and actually chuckled at where she was sleeping as she had fallen asleep at the kitchen table before. But she wasn't asleep. Her body was cold to the touch and after that first touch I knew shew was gone. I cannot describe the next few moments. There are NO words for that.

That marked the end of 'normal' for me, the 27th day of August, 2011.

Today, the shock is gone, and I'm starting to realize what it means to have suffered a traumatic amputation of a part of your soul. You don't recognize yourself. You thought you knew what loneliness was. You realize just how much of your life was tied to being part of a couple, a 'half', and perhaps not the better one of that.

I fail at describing how much I miss that girl, the mother of our child, my confidant, my conscience, my anchor to this world.

So, help me tell Lesa how very much I miss her, every single day. Her compassion for others, her creativity, her never ending patience with her unreformed male example of a husband.

I don't want you to be sorry for me. I do want you to grieve for a world that no longer has that woman in it. It truly is a meaner place for the lack. Of that, I have no doubts.


Similar Entries:
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New Comment

By anonymous at 31,Jan,12 00:55

I am sorry for your loss. She sounds like a wonderful woman. I'm sure she is at peace somewhere and watching over you lovingly. Take care.

By anonymous at 31,Jan,12 04:03

i'm only 20 and i have no idea what losing your wife, your child's mother feels like. but i am sure she is in peace and happiness.
try to raise your child so that someday he/she would be someone like his/her mother.
your child has lost a loving mother too and needs your love

By anonymous at 31,Jan,12 04:24

brother, where ever she is, she is thinking of you and that baby.....make her proud to say, "that's my husband....look at him, he's doing the best he can." matter what, you keep your head up and your eyes open --- till you see her again

By anonymous at 31,Jan,12 08:32

Hang in there! I cannot even imagine your loss...

By anonymous at 31,Jan,12 19:59

As everyone said I am sorry for your loss. However, I hope that you don't forget her, because I am sure she is watching over you and your family right now. Love is still tying you too, and her soul and love still remain in your heart. So look for that and don't let the thought kill you, but let it encourage you to become stronger. Remember she still loves you.

By anonymous at 31,Jan,12 22:39

This brought tears to my eyes, really... And im only twelve. I can not imagine what it would be like to lose my mom. My advice for you, though: dont dwell on the grief of losing her. I know that sounds rude and inconsiderate, but seriously, think of the happy times, dont cry when you think of her- smile! Remember how much she loved you, how you loved her, when you both laughed together and when you cried. Keep her in your heart but do not let this ruin your life. I know it hurts but im sure she would have wanted you to go on to make you and your child's life as great as you possibly can, while remembering that she is watching over you, smiling, proud to say "look, that's my husband, the one smiling and holding his son's/daughter's hand, the successful one, the stong-hearted one, the one who loves me even when im gone."

By anonymous at 05,Feb,12 08:47

I loss my husband 2011 after being married for 33 years i wish i could tell you something that would make you feel better. but i do understand your pain of feeling empty lonely loss with no direction in your life . nothing seams important. i hope you find your direction in you life everyone tells me i will never find someone like my husband maybe you will be the lucky one and find your

By anonymous at 15,Mar,12 04:24

im so sorry, best of luck to you

By anonymous at 17,Jan,13 03:16

Just lost my wife 12 hours ago and i stil cant belive this,Is This really happing to me? Why?
She took care of everything and i'm so dumbfounded right now i dunno where to begin, I feel for you loss and your pain, So Sorry

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