So I am very well educated, 43, i am in management in my day job and I teach the college level in the evenings. I have no shyness issues to speak of. I have loneliness for genuine trust and intimacy...I do not crave friendships with other men. I have enough male acquaintances and the fact is could have as many women acquaintances as i wanted as well. Women have always complemented me and been appreciative of me as a lover. My loneliness is unique and at the same time not unique among these postings because my issues lie within. The only perhaps significant difference is that life has provided me every reason to be confident. I mean seriously, I don't know how to put this politely, I am well put together if you follow me. I have every reason to have confidence with the opposite sex - as has been reinfoirced time and again. Much younger women make themselves available to me. I am fun and charming when I turn it on. But here is the thing. I know me. My adolescence was massively scarred by an extremely unhappy household. There was a lot of domestic violence that I was exposed to mostly between by father and my brother. This as the ordinary pressures of high school arrived and my drive was completely off the charts. A non-violent one time mistake was made that has left me with scars of enormous depth and shame unspeakable. When I confided in my wife of 10 years she left me. I don't know if this helps anyone, but maybe if you all understood how hard life can be for even those that are supposed to have it all, you could offer yourself more compassion. I am certain most of you are good people, as am I. We are socialized to not forgive ourselves. the years since my wife left me have been overwhelming. She has pursued an estrangement and practices parental alienation - the single cruelest aspect of divorce and almost exclusively a weapon women employ. For my part I am left completely without the ability to trust and have at times turned to anonymous human interactions. I don't know what to say. I don't know the way out and i cannot see the way forward. One bit of good fortune i have is that I am successful professionally and am genuinely interested in my work. that sustains me somewhat. My life however from a personal standpoint is completely shattered. Bu a lifetime of making the best of it has left me highly functional and secretly criplingly damaged. I guess what I want to say to the rest of you is I am sorry for you. Most of you have the ability to change lives if people could simply recognize you. On the other hand people do seek me out only to find that ultimately I have been hollowed. I pray for all of you. I want you to succeed. For me you represent the hope of mankind. I wish you all a surpisingly wonderful 2012. | |
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