Well, I guess this is were we write our shit life stories. Given an opportunity to spill it all out without fear. Here it goes!
My life in general isn't so bad. By this I mean, I have a good father (not my real father, but is my dad, he is a Police mane), an awsome mother (I would kill for her), 2 great sisters (Well, one is a dumbass the other a smartass), and surrounded by what appears to me to be a loving family. Wait, sorry, supposed to be aobut my shitty life.
Well, my real father is/was a druggy/drug dealer, the bastards dead now from cancer and his family for some reason likes to bother me all the fucking time. Most of my family is made up of complete morons, I have one smart sister (almost my level, but not quite) and the other is a complete dumbass. I am nearly 6 years older than the two of them and try to be a good role model, but it just doesn't work. I fail around every corner, despite every chance I have.
For starters, I have a solid IQ, smart guy with no real specialty, polymath. When I was a young tyke I was more than ready to learn and studied all the time, had teachers that cared. Of course when I moved to shit town of 2000 total people, my education went to hell. I didn't have to try so I didn't, Note I do have ADHD. In high school, I was that guy, despite being a massive dude (6'2" x 280lbs) that everyone liked to pick on, even the "losers." I had all of one friend. As a result of a shitty high school life I attempted suicide 3 times, planned a school shooting (lucky for me columbine happened to change my mind) and despite being the smartest guy in my class I barely pulled a 5th place spot at graduation.
Ater high school, I of course went to college, and tried to change who I was. Unfortunately by that time I had developed chronic depression, was on my way to Bi-Polar, and was so lazy/unmotivated that it didn;t matter if I was a genius I barely functioned at an average level. Furthermore, despite my best efforts I managed no friends for the 1st 3 years of school. Note, I went to 3 schools, barely managed an associates and that with a 2.7 GPA, a failure in my book.
In December of 2004 I joined the Army. They offered me every job they had and I took infantry, all I wanted to do was kill or be killed. I had to lie though to get in because of a surgery I had in highschool. However, apparently I wasn;t meant to go, because after about 3 weeks I started losing feeling in my legs and was discharged. Problem is I know that if I had just pushed a little harder I could have made it. I loved basic but for some reason my mind and body didn;t let me stay. After this failure my depression compounded.
I became a prison guard, yea I know. only good thing that came out of this was my first and still only girl, and no she wasn't an inmate she was a fellow guard. Unfortunately I made some bad choices. I hated the joba dn my supers and ended up becoming a Dirty guard, smuggling in cell phones, weed, and tobacco. Note, I smoke alot of the weed myself. Of course an inmate snitched and I got fired. Well, I resigned after owning my mistake on paper, and admitting to all my bad deeds, despite no evidence against me.
Finally, 3 more years later, I get a degree, jus this past May 2009. Of course, teh economy had crashed leaving me in Houston, with no job, $60k of school loans, a handfull of friends with as many problems as me, and still one fucked up mind. The mind thing I can't go into because for 15 years it has scared even me shittless. Today I sit at my desk, at my job, if you call it that. My roomate and I fight constantly. I am losing my mind. My sisters fiance decides to waylay her ass and I can't even get home 800miles away to kill the fucker. I have all of $20 disposable income and a $298 school loan payment (forced to start, non deferral or forbearnce) to start next month. Not sure what to do. I can;t even get my Prozac, because my insurance company is fucking me.
I guess all in all, I have an ok life, most of my problems are in my head or compounded by me. I don;t wanna kill myself anymore though, bout the only good thing I can say. Oh, and I am an atheist, so no God won't help. Any way, comment as you will, evil, hatefull, joyfull, I don;t realyl care. Enjoy a laugh at my pitiful story for all I care. I guess it jsut kinda feels good to let it out. Well, not all of it, I have more stuff bottled up that I don;t think I could tell anyone, even on an anonomys (fuck I can't spell) blog.
Me, 25 years old, White boy from the Texas Country side! Genius IQ, Retarded motivation! | |
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