LIFE SUCKS

life sucks

googled life sucks. here i am. wth. im 16 and im not normal. all my life ive listened to my mothers stereotyping of people and how much she hates everything. i told her to stop telling me this stuff cause its messing with my head. she didnt. my father scares the shit out of me. his emotions are very random. he randomly burst out in anger and yells like hes taking your soul away and it gives him pleasure to do so. he needs total control but doesnt have it so he goes crazy. he finally let his emotions get the best of him. he beat my mom in front of me and my little sister. he also unplugged the phone so i couldnt call the police. hes smart when it comes to not getting in trouble but stupid with everyday things like spelling. dont ever say stupid or disrespect him to his face. youll die. when i was young my friend touched me inappropriately. i ended the friendship. later her dad went to jail for raping a family friend. guess thats why she never let me sleep over. ive never been good at socializing. i sit there with a blank stare hoping not to break into tears. thats why i dont have many friends. they all think im an evil bitch but have never talked to me before in my life. i have major issues but whenever i try to tell my mom shes laughs and or yells at me and says im ridiculous. i think i need mental help. i pray to god for a full scholarship to a college so i can get away. but at the same time i am afraid for my sisters safety. if i leave shell never forgive me. freshman year of high school i opened up to someone and they made my life a living hell and tortered me everyday. so i changed. i dressed in bright colors people noticed me i got new "friends". i cant tell them the truth and i never let them over to my house. i have trust issues. i think im evil cause i randomly blew up on this dude and accidently cut him with my nails. i dont want to be like my dad so i need anger management and maybe some doctors help to figure out my issues. i have never done anything with my life. i went to school and came home. holidays are hell. no love. i thought all this was normal till i went over to a real friends house once. her family was so different and kind. they all really loved each other. then her dad died of a random heart attack. bad things happen to good people. i still believe in god though because my sister,mom, my dog, and i wouldnt be alive if it werent for him. bad things happen but they dont have to. i used to think differently. i thought of suicide and tried to kill myself everyday after school until sophomore year of high school. i cried everyday after school in my room and if my mom saw she would just yell at me. she does love me she just doesnt know how to handle it. she'd need to leave dad to do that and we are stuck. we have no money to leave anyway he takes it all for himself and yells at us when we are broke. i cant tell anyone because i did before and it just got worse. i love my sister mother and dog and no one will ever touch them or theyll have to answer to me. that wasnt a threat it was a promise. so thanks to all you bullies who made fun of the girl cause she couldnt afford better clothes and was lucky to have those ones and didnt talk much for fear of everything. take care of your problems dont put them on others. theres so many more things that i cant mention cause its too hard to even think about. im doing better in school though because its my way out. my friends never come over after that one incident and its ok its probably better that way. i dont want to die anymore though. i just wanted to be a kid and have fun i wish i knew what that was like. i wish i was loved. i dont feel sorry for myself i dont even know why im putting this random bullshit on here. others did and i have no life. i will soon though. a few years and ill be free.