Every year same arguement I got a car to get around were as before i get £300 a month because I cant walk far so then I could buy presants and so people were happy now I got the car so I warned every one that all my money goes on the car I did manage to get a couple of presants as I cant eat properly now so I saved a couple of hundred but my son still not happy and his mother put him up for a few days so wants more money off me and I havent got it.She has money in the bank inheritance so she isnt skint.She said to come over tomorrow butI now feel awkward same happend last year and I spent all day on my own.I really dont mind as I suffer from my nerves so being on my own I like but like I said It happens every year.When they both need a lift to hospital or other appointments I am there to take them but they are out for what they can get.The two of them came into money and I never seen a penny.I to am waiting for inheritance to go through and when it does I am seeing to myself no matter what.I am a generous person always have been but this time I have had a guts full.When i have a birthday my presant is out of pound land were I give £20 to £30.They also smoke skunk all day which is a dear drug to buy when smoking it all day.My son doesnt realize why I had breakdowns it was because his mother didnt love him when he was a child and I used to worry about him because she would have men in the house doing drugs and drinking not sending him to school and just mistreating him.I could tell him so much but he has a big anger problem now and he also has a brother that his mother loves my son notices the differant treatment but what can he do.I hate this woman for doing what she did but she got the personality that people like I on the other hand is a grouch and dont really care who knows it.I do deserve to be on my own but its been like this for 7 to 8 years.Break downs are a bitch because even though you are right you still dought your self.I did buck up today as my mate phoned me and we went out for a drive we grew up together but his life is the oppersit to mine he ended up with a good job and nice woman I ended up a cripple with a bitch.Thats my life story always ended up with the crap in life.I just started meditating which has made me feel better.I am 51 now and eating to much chocolate I feel I havent got long left I dont know if thats my depression but life sucks.I brought all this on myself but I have changed these 8 years but still nothing nice has happend yet I fear life I think I have upset everyone and peoplew dont like me I find it hard to mix with people as my childhood was full of abuse.My old man broke me when I was very young he used to sit me in a chair and call me names for hours I used to think whats he doing this for now Iknow breaking my self esteem my mother would just watch and now and again tell him to cool down her husband now tells me she has breakdowns because she let it go on.Really she was just as bad in the end.Very violent stabbed my sister and woke me once by smashing plaates on my head so thats it got it off my chest for a while.I suppose it feeling sorry for ones self every body got a sad story to tell.I like to write things down now I can type fast makes me feel a bit better.My telly is on the blink it only has to rain a bit and no tv tro watch and thats all I got now raelly.I went to church a couple of weeks ago looking for lifes road but even that back fired My worker told me the paster is having complaints the way he is running the church so I have taken up meditating which has helped me so much.I might let you know how the rest of my christmas went lonely I expect.I have bought some lotto tickets in the hope i will win but I am not that lucky. | |
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