When I was born I was told that I was a miracle. Now? Not so much.
I don't even know where to start, I have sat on my ass for 21 years, and now it feels I can see myself in the future. I won't make it without my family, I don't have many friends. I've spent my life so far being as patient as I can, yet, I haven't been patient with the right things. I haven't tried hard enough, I don't have a car or even a license, not even a job. I wasted my youth on video games and porn and didn't take care of my body enough. I have ringing in my ears now due to two ear infections and the ringing wont stop. I get kidney stones, but can't afford to go to the doctor to get help with them because I have no income or insurance.
My dad died last year in June. My parents are in their late 50's, they're not going to make it, and I feel like I'm losing my grip on my emotions day by day. I can't stop crying. I'm a failure, a loser, a nobody. A fat, leeching lowlife that doesn't deserve the life that's been given to me. I try to keep my head up. But all I want to do is die for failing my parents, my friends, and most of all, myself. I understand what's gone wrong in my life, and I wish I could do everything over again, but in life you get no second chances. I didn't go good enough in school, I ended up graduating with a 2.5 GPA. I wasted 3 years of my life after graduating doing nothing but going over my friends house and smoking pot.
I could have done so much better, like that old saying, though; Coulda, shoulda, woulda, but didn't.This is the story of my life so far, and to be honest I'm not sure how much longer I can handle the guilt and the overwhelming shame that I feel for even feeling this way. I don't want to live the rest of my life taking from others.
I did all the wrong things. I enjoyed my life, but at the expense of others. I'm still seeking help, and I feel like a total bastard for it. Things like anti depressants and therapy, for how long that will last. But talk is cheap, and actions define you. I'm exactly what I didn't want to be and I blame no one but myself.
Life is funny that way, I guess. But I'm not giving up the ghost yet. I can still make some people happy. | |
You said it. Now get stop the self pity party and get off your fat lazy pot smoking ass and change your life. You can do it. You already know what is wrong, so change it.
I have seen countless lying SOBs literally suck and bullshit their way to fortune and fame, and they had no problem with it. I'd leave those bastards broke down beside the road right now.
You're being honest and that counts for a lot in my book. Don't watch too much of that crap on TV about some contraption that will give you ripped abs and "change your life"...it's all bullshit!
There's a lot of truth that a real person comes from within.
Life can never only be about pleasure. It never can be. Life can never only be about difficulties. It never can be. Life is not without obstacle. It never is. Life is never predictable. It never is. This is how LIFE is and it will remain so forever regardless of whoever may think or say otherwise.
Do not feel depress nor down just because things doesn't turn out the way you expected in life. It happens to ALL human being in the world, to a large or even to the minimal extent.
Don't look back to the PAST nor predict too much about the FUTURE. Just plan for the future, do it and let nature takes its own course. Just focus on your condition at THIS moment, RIGHT NOW, and take action to the right path immediately. Even if it means getting up from the couch and do something. Never be greedy with what others may have. Work your way righteously and be content with what you can/have achieve every single step along the way.
NEVER think life is a waste. You will never realize your benefit to mankind until the day you die, and i mean die NATURALLY. Never underestimate the simplicity of a single kind act. The momentum that builds up is unimaginable.
Everyone wants to be a hero. The best hero you can be is to be the hero for yourself against the difficulties in life. You will never regret being one.
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