So every since I was little I didn't have any friends. I don't know why but I was the one everyone pick on. Everyone called me "poodle" because I have curly hair. Its not even frizzy or anything just nice curls so I don't see why they did.
When i was eleven I started having grandmal seizures (the bad kind) and when switching insurances we couldn't afford medicine I was at a pont of having 23 seizures a day and from the shaking chewed up my tongue. This made my tongue swollen and made me keep biting it by accident.
freshmen year of highschool started out fine but then a "bullying stopper" group came along and asked everyone to write out a story where they were bullied so I did and they read mine out loud which made everyone start teasing me again.
Sophmore year I had 2 brain surgeries to remove the part of my brain causing my seizures. Turns out I had a tumor growing on my brain :/
Senior year of high school my grandma died and I went into a depression. not to mention a month after my grandma died my mom had emergency heart surgery because she had an anurism bigger then the doctors had every seen. a week after that heart surgery she had another emergency heart surgery because that artery got kinked during the first surgery. Due to the surgeries she lost some of her voice and can only whisper.
Now whenever we get in an argument and I try to defend myself she gets upset and makes me feel guilty for being louder cuz I defended myself. Because this makes me feel guilty I feel the need to hurt myself because I feel like I deserve it so i choke myself with my hands. I've contemplated cutting myself but have yet to, though it took will power not to a few times. I seriously have just had enough of the pains in life and I hope some random accident (it could be a meteor, car accident, hit and run or whatever) will just happen and kill me so I don';t have to deal with the sadness of everything thats happened in life.
Not only do I hate the things that happened to me but I hate everything happening around us. cancer, abuse, rape, etc.
Life in general just sucks :( | |
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not being good or ok - just better -
and if you want to try suicde then do something your afraid of doing insted
anyway try to find a goal in life like helping others - help your mother help other people with your problem be the strongest you can and try to kill bullies - try to be as rich as you can and donate money
at least try
someone here send its only your fault - well no its not its your familys fault - but only you can take you out of this situation - they should have helped you but they cant or they wont so you should rellay only on yourself
sucide is selfish
try to enjoy life as much as you can try to enjoy a little more -
get a hobby - play guitar -it will make you popular and even if your ugly it will get you girls - my shoulder hurts but i will find something else to enjoy - im not sure what - im trying to enjoy the food more and even if you cant improve your life you should make them as good as you can and gain as much power as you can - you might become worse each year but you will lower the worsening + you might find a chance and you will be better able to take it -
somegirl will fall for you and you wont be so fat - or you might be discoverd by an agent
or you might get a money donation and you should try to be as healthy as posible then you could gain more from the donation - invest in the stocks and become rich and donate to find a cure to your condition whatever you do you should allways improve
check persarvrance videos in youtube
and also the song "keep your head up" its nice even if its gay lol
I see your suffering and understand the seemingly cruel hand of fate. But this, like all other things, can be overcome. You can be the next major success story. You can find love, friends, success and inner peace but it all starts with getting tough; tough on the voices inside your mind that tell you that you are not enough...not cool enough, good looking enough, talented enough, lucky enough. It's all bullshit.
Growing mentally tough and eliminating the negative thoughts is where you will need to start. Look around, see all the people who have what you want and recognize there really is no difference between you; you can have it too.
I know this won't help immediately, but you will become whatever you set your mind to. Don't allow it to set on hopelessness and suffering; because it will be more than happy to provide you with more of the same. Sit outside in the sun, walk on the beach, and think of all the things you really want to do. Focus on this, move forward and every time you catch yourself feeling bad about you, or life, immediately cut off those thoughts and think about how great it will be to arrive where you dream.
Your ailments and losses are tough, as is the poor treatment you have received. There is only one thing left for you to do and that is to decide whether to let it overtake you, or for you to take over and wash it all away. Win or lose, the key to this battle lies within you.
I for one...I am betting on you!
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