LIFE SUCKS

It Is What It Is...

Everything that has happened in my life is the result of something I've done, or haven't done.

I was a sober alcoholic for 10 years and wasn't taking care of staying well - I got lazy and eventually started drinking again. At the time, I "had it all"; a wonderful husband, great kids, a beautiful home, etc. I thought it was too much pressure to deal with managing - and decided to take the chicken shit approach and drank. Naturally I couldn't control it and it crashed down around me.

Eventually it was all taken away - the home, the kids, the husband... and I was left with me. Fortunately, I was able to get sober again and have been for five years; but life certainly isn't a bowl of cherries. I wasn't able to find work for nearly a year and debt piled up which I'm still trying to pay off. I have had a good, decent paying job for 2 years and am grateful to have it, but I'm always struggling to make ends meet.

Five dollars is a hell of a lot of money some days! My kids don't talk to me because of what I did; but I pay that child support every month because it's my responsibility. I haven't been on a vacation, a date or out to a nice dinner in five years and it's painful to look back at what I used to have vs. today. My ex has been in a relationship for 3 1/2 yrs now and currently is in Tahiti with his girlfriend.... Sometimes it really seems unfair, but I have no one to blame but myself for where I've wound up.

My hope is that one day; through doing what I'm supposed to do - no matter what - I can once again have the privilege of a nice home, a relationship with my kids and a nice guy to call my "fella". Until then, I guess I just get to struggle with the rest of mankind and maintain some HOPE. I'm grateful I can see my role in every single thing that has transpired in my life - because if it's everyone else's fault then I'm screwed because I can't change that.