Hi,I guess I'm just another lonely guy in the mid 20's, I confirm the statistics about social loneliness. I live by myself in a 20 m2 studio. I'm a student at college and I'm going to graduate this year if I pull it off.
I've never had a girlfriend and I'm still a virgin. I'm guess I have some social issues, which have gotten worst with time. The more lonely I am the more difficult it becomes to pull up a conversation. I just don't know what to say. What to talk about. I start with a "hi, how are you doing?" and then the conversation just dries up. Silence becomes invasive and I guess people don't like silence. Anyways, I'm not a story teller kinda guy. I just like to say important things not flat bullshit or stupid things just for saying it and make people laugh. People say I'm to serious, maybe I am. (I guess that's why I never got a girl, I'm just not a funny guy and boring to hang around.)
However it may seem things are definetly not going well. I'm closing myself, I just stay at home, see some films, eat and sleep. Some times I go out,I take my car and just drive for hours, just wandering around. I go to museums, bookshops, cinemas, restaurants by alone. I buy a lot of stupid useless things just to have an excuse to get out of my place. I know, it's sad.
I feel empty, just like the shit I buy. Already thought about dying. But when I was 15 I promised myself I would never commit suicide. I use to say that suicide was the most coward and selfish act someone could do. It's much harder to live than to die. Death is just a matter of seconds, living with yourself and other can last for 90 years.
I don't know. The more I get older and the more a figure out I don't know shit about shit. Can't understand people, can't even understand me. I thought all this existencialism crap was over but I guess it just gets worst. I definetly have low self-esteem. In a scale from 1 to 10 I stand for a 4 regarding my self esteem.
1.Don't like how I look (I avoid looking myself in the mirror) even though I'm not fat or have any abnormalidies. I actually try to stay fit.
2.Don't like how I relate to things (I'm not very attached to people or object... I just get bored). And I guess that's what I hate about me. I just have no passion about anything. I would love to be passioned about music, about painting, about photography, anything at all. It would make my life so much easier. Just striving to accomplish something. Instead I have no interests at all for what so ever.
3.Don't care about anything and don't have any objectives in life.
4.I always say what I'm thinking, which almost of the times in misinterpreted as arrogance. I just say what I think. I'm not the kind of guy that would settle for an "amazing...incredible... wonderful" (these words are just meaningless for me, just empty words when you don't mean it).
I guess that's all I want to say right now, my inner life sucks big time.
Thank for reading these lines, I guess I'm just a selfish jerk.
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its only on this website
that i tend to find people exactly like myself.
I hope you finish college and have a good career.
That may just help you out. Im also not the sort
of person that will tell you that everything will
work out great in the future, or keep your head up
and get on with it. That is all bullshit from people
who have no problems and have been fed with silver spoons
all their lives whether they realise it or not.
I used to think exercise was the answer; it does provide temporary relief from it all, but its just not practical in todays world to do it all the time. A manual labour job might be good, particularly if it is outside, but thats only if you can stand the people you work with, which has always been my biggest problem. You sound that way too, if im not mistaken. You see through the rat race and how people have their own agendas to follow. Mind you, i say all this stuff, when it is really me who has all the problems. Everyone else seems to function this way in this selfish, vain and hippocritical world we live in.
We're more or less the same guy 20s college student no girlfriend virgins
It could be worse. You just have to live your life. If you have no expectations then theres no letdowns.
its like college basketball. when a great coach of a great program has a young team, what does he do? he schedules easy. he plays 2 or 3 exhibition games against teams that ARENT EVEN DIVISION 1. coach cal at UK even had his boys play like some fucking canadian community college or some shit. they can have the worst game of their life and still win by 50. you think that builds confidence? fuck yeah it does. thats why those teams start out 15-0 with 30 point win after 30 point win. to build some confidence. you see what i am saying? this is important man. do it.
you don't have passion? you don't have objectives? what the fuck man. you have to care about SOMETHING. you a sports fan? if so, go be the fucking craziest most obsessive fan ever. you like baseball? jump on the field and make out with the center fielder. live a little. you need to care about SOMETHING. what the fuck. at some point in your life, SOMETHING had to make you happy. go get that back.
if you seriously can't find *anything* to get passionate about, you are too fucking bored. you know what you need? context. you are probably a primadonna (no offense) who has never really suffered. go to a bar. find the biggest dude. hit on his girl. when he beats you to a fucking pulp, you will probably appreciate your life a little more. gain a little passion. repeat as necessary. what if its not enough? go commit a non violent non sexual crime. buy some heroic. sell it outside a police station. spend 6 months in jail getting fucked in the ass. guess what? when you go free, you will appreciate the life you've got a little more.
until you care about *something* you are doomed. do what ever it takes. you might want to try seeing a psychiatrist before the heroin and ass fucking. you might have a chemical imbalance.
context... that is the key man. realize how much your life can suck by experiencing it. or, try tripping. mushrooms are a good start (make sure you have weed to calm you down). it will help you figure out what you want in life.
do these things, and you will probably gain some passion, some direction. and continue working on your woman skills by hitting on fat ugly bitches while hammered. in a couple years, your life will be totally changed forever.
legal disclaimer: im afraid you might be able to sue me if you do these things, especially if the 6 months of ass fucking gives you aids, or if the biggest dude in the biker bar ruptures your spleen. so, do not follow my advice, regardless of how good it is.
are
an
asshole
no,
really!
Take drugs and rape people?
You
are
an
asshole
no,
really!
That was a haiku, shove it up your ass.
We truly live in a communication era... with so many tools to stay connected but the opposite is happening I feel. . I am out of school since may 2010, I have a fine arts degree with a major in film production. I was admitted to one of the best film school in Canada. I saw this opportunity back in 2005 as a new life for me. I would meet extraordinary people and my life would become exciting.
In those 5 years spent at university, downtown Montreal...I made like 3-4 "buddies" now since school is over, I practically never heard of them again. Nobody seems to care. Now about dating...it's even worst...even though I am somewhat shy..I can be bold and I tried so many times to date woman in school and outside of school...with zero success. The only GF i ever had, we were together for 3 months, she was just plain crazy, screaming at me, at my mother, taking pills and hiding all kinds of things to me... but hey when you need love...you are willing to accept a lot of things unfortunately.
Now my situation sucks big time too. I'm a 28 years old male, living in my mother's basement, ashamed to tell people and women my situation because of their judgement. I made a fucking bad decision by believing the art world would be easy...I can't find a damn job, I have sent hundreds of cv, cover letters, expensive portfolios all around canada and US. Nothing....now I don't have faith anymore nor the will to continue this endless no where run.
I work like 10 hours a week from home, I basically spend all my time inside because there is nothing outside to trigger any interest in me. I am extremely mean to my mother because we see each other all day long and I am sad of my sad so i bite at her. My father does not live with us. He loves me...I know that but I also know that he is truly disappointed in me. He is my opposite, very professional and successful. I don't see him very often because I tend to avoid him and fear our conversations. It's always about work and my future.
Anyway...as you said this existencialism crap is pretty much growing everyday...I also thought it would go away when I would get older, I would be more mature, secure, confident etc etc...nah not at all. i am also a selfish jerk who needed to vent a little bit. Loneliness is the new disease.
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