LIFE SUCKS

I fucking hate my life

I consider myself a nice person. When a friend needs someone to talk to I'm there, if someone needs to borrow money I lend it to them if i can, and even try to help out friends with school. I ask for nothing in return and guess what? That's exactly what I get. None of my friends or family ever offer to help me when I'm struggling. I have to beg for favors and usually I'm met with unsympathetic stares . People are only ever nice to me when they need something. I can barely ever get my "friends" to return my phone calls, texts, or get them to hang out. I feel like they mistake my kindness for weakness. I can't even talk to anyone about how I feel about anything because the only advice I ever get is to suck it up and fix it. They blame me for my own problems. Yet when someone is telling me they're having a hard time I'm nothing but nice and I try to cheer them up, not tell them that they're their own problem. People rarely ever pay me back on time if they bother to pay me back at all. I'm sick of being walked on but whenever I try to act the way they do no one wants anything to do with me. On top of that I'm doing horribly in school. Not for lack of studying or trying but I guess I'm too fucking stupid to figure college out. When I try to ask friends who have taken the classes I'm struggling with they barely do anything and say go to tutoring. 'I already tried fucking tutoring it didn't help at all why do you think I'm asking you' is what I think while they act as if I'm just not trying. WTF is wrong with me that I can't get anyone to feel anything for me but annoyance and disgust I feel like just quitting, shutting down and going through the motions like some kind of robot. I can't take feeling like a door mat anymore