My dad committed suicide when I was 2, mental illness runs in the family, I have OCD myself, which started as anxiety when I was around 18, I am 25 now, i had to drop out of univeristy, I was in a mental hospital for treatment a few times, and I have had numerous outpatient treatment but it hasnt helped much. The OCD ( Obsessive Compulsive Disoder) makes it hard to make decisions, I dont have a job, a relationship, or haven't been able to finish university. I've had a string of bad relationships with men because I think im looking for a father figure, the last guy I dated was an ex con crack head who ended up dumping me to go back to his wife who he told me he was legally seperated from while we were dating. I've been pretty much dumped by every guy I have dated since I was 14, I think I am pretty average looking to maybe even pretty, it's more to do with the fact that I have abandonment issues, and borderline personality disorder, so i get really clingy and needy in relationships, I am ok at the beginining, but after when I get the sense they are pulling away from me or getting distant, and sometimes they really are and sometimes its a natural push and pull, I get needy and clingy and push them away, then I freak out and get more needy and clingy then they dump me, plus I pick the wrong guys to begin with. | |
Ill start with this. I really like your name. I havent heard that name very often :)
I to BELEIVE i have OCD, although i have not be diagnosed. Mental illness does run in my family on both sides to some extent. 2 suicides and bi polar on my dads side. I try not to use my history as an excuse for my behavior, but i REALLY do think i have SERIOUS mental problems. I beleive i have OCD because i am obsessive about MANY things, particularily when im doing a job, or building things, or ANYTHING for that matter.....somthing as simple as painting the kitchen can turn into a weeks worth of work, which is VERY annoying, specially when i just wanna finish and do somthing else. Im also your exact age for what its worth. Aswell, i had the same issues in relationships growing up, im married now :)
One thing is you KNOW you pick the wrong guys, so just say to yourself o well whatever, learning from my mistakes. And NEXT guy you fall for.....just REALLY REALLY try to make the right choice...pick a good man.....they are out there....i HOPE lol.
And remember, moneys not EVERYTHING......if a man is poor ass broke and for reasons out of his control.....he can still be a good man. Dont go for a lazy guy, he dont deserve you.
I was ALSO ( LOL ) alot like you in a new relationship.
For example when i first started dated my wife back 6 years ago....i remember the first couple of months where really hard on me, because i was 100 percent taken up in her, infatuation you would call it i guess....but that turned into love pretty quick. But i had such STRONG feelings for her that some nights i would come back home and break down crying because i was scared that it was sure to end....like it had with every other girl i dated before that....but it did not end, little did i know that she had strong feelings towards me.....i guess i learned somthing from my earlier relationships huh, cause i MADE this one work just fine.
I am able to rant and rant and rant...but i dont really know if what im saying is worth anything to you...so ill cut it a bit short.....Just try to work things out and think that life COULD TECHNICALLY be alot worst then it is for you now.....Think about it....take care of yourself....lifes to short to worry....and you dont wanna bog down life with bad thoughts, that will just cause more stress and that can lead to cancer and all kinds of unwanted problems....just TRY TRY TRY to hang in there.....i have my struggles on a day to day basis also..
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