I'm sad. I am an 18 year old gay man who things just aren't going right for lately. The job sucks right now, school's not going as good as it could, people suck and especially, men suck. I've been through about 10 relationships and every time these guys either have to cheat, hit or do something fucked up every time!!Ever since the last one ended in september, I haven't been hit on once!! Just very frustrating! I was sexually and verbally abused as a kid and teenager and my whole group of friends from childhood stopped talking to me when I told them I was gay. I grew up in what many people would call "the hood". I've also been through many people who I would consider "best friend", but I end up losing all of them for foolish reasons that are not even my fault!!! Right now I have one and it'll hopefully last. Highschool drama never seemed to end for me, even in college!!! I have never been happy for more than a day in my life, so far, and i'm just fed up with all this child's play i'm surrounded with. I just started a new job and my supervisor is a bitch. She doesn't even have the fucking courtesy to help me without bitching about it, when I haven't even been fully trained yet! Figuring things out on my own is something i'm really good at but sometimes you just need help and it's your boss' job to help you!! Especially when she's not doing anything but sitting there eating Mcdonalds with her coworker!!! Right now I just feel invisible and lonely and it's times like this that make me think it's not ever gonna get any better, because it never has gotten better. No matter what institution i'm in, or what man I decided to sleep with, I get treated like shit and I keep try to figure out why. I am skinny, but fuck man! I'm not the only skinny person in the world and i'm sure there's some who's happy. I'm very grateful for certain things though. I'm grateful for a wonderful, supportive family, a best friend who I see often, the one and only God, my ability to go to school and the fact that I actually HAVE a job. I really miss being 16 when I was able to get free therapy because that's the way the law works where I live. I think I might need it again because I'm going crazy!!! One last thing, my grades in school right now are dropping because of my many stresses. In short, FML!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! | |
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