I am 29 years old but I have allays felt older ever since i was a kid L could never relate to if so a few people i never had a girlfriend in high school and I thought i was because I am shy with women but after 12 years it most be something in me that is broken I have never had a mining full relationship. i was living with my mother and brother until last year and that did not help me and after I moved away this feeling of anxiety hit me and i went out and I meet some women but I did not know how to treat them so I lost there affection that was short lived and the last woman I met I really liked her but one more I did not know what to do and after one encounter and my stupidity she do not want anything to do with me and for the past last moths i being in this depression That i don't want to do nothing or go out and the only thing that help me from feeling worst is pot because I went to get drunk and my depression got much deeper and this feeling of just want to be numb and the separation of the few friends that I got had not help and I the feeling of just wanting to ended all but i do not want to do to my mother of her son committing suicide just because i not happy will just bring more pain to her but I know if I die tomorrow only she will care and this is after I started watching suicide videos mostly the one of Budd Dwyer and thinking that be me one day because I do not know how long i can feel this way before i can't take more because i am so alone and unhappy that life is not word living this way and I feel that i don't belong any were and that i am repugnant to women but is all in my head and i do not know how to scape it I am 30 years old now and do not have reasons to live for and also i can't sleep well or get pleasure from any activity i am broken inside i do not why or how to fix it and also I do not dream any more and when i do is me the moment of my dead and it wakes me up and I feel my life is being a waste
|
New Comment