I've never had high expectation for my life. I figured, I'd at least scrape out a meager living. I could live with a dead-end job, with no hope of advancement. I could deal with a crap apartment. I just want to be able to take care of myself.
I had a job about 4 months ago, for 2 months. Before that, I had been unemployed for 2 years. I was happy again. I final felt like I could take care of myself. But my employers didn't like my perpetually anxious state. Despite my efforts, I failed them. I wasn't good enough. No one wants a person with so much anxiety, depression and an inferiority complex that just won't quit.
It seems that anytime I start to feel better about myself, like I'm living up to my potential in someway, my confidence gets ripped away from me. It was the same story with school. I feel lucky that I managed to graduate high school.
I'm told "Just get up, dust yourself off and try again". But after you've been kicked down so many times, the whole thing seems like its set up so I can never win.
All I have is my best friend, the love of my life. If I lost him. I would truly have nothing left. It sounds horrible but, I don't think I could go on living without him. I wish I could give him more then just my love. I just have nothing to offer other then that.
Life sucks.
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