It's so damn weird. Things get so deep and muddy that I can't even see through the fog that clings to the film of my eyes. I can't see where I'm going, where I am, what I am, or what any of you are. I can't understand the purpose of existing as something that is incapable of a wholesome omniscience, and I can't distill from all of the details and nuances of living, a single reason to improve upon myself. Every avenue leads to the same ends.
However, I could turn it all off and live in the euphoric optimism that everyone seems to find themselves in. I could turn it all off and enjoy the pleasantries of forgetting and the happiness in acceptance. But I don't even think I want to. That feels like cheating. You are all cheating.
The only thing meaningful is pain. It's so paradoxical. When we are happy our lives are seemingly meaningless and we only take notice when we are in pain. If you are always doing right, people won't think you're doing anything at all. And the problem with being happy is the fact that you aren't in pain, without which we wouldn't seemingly exist as ourselves. We can't find ourselves on the surface of our being, which is the mandated experience of happiness. Hell, I can't much tell if happiness exists. Pain and the absence thereof, are the only states I have ever understood.
Everyone left me behind. Everyone left all of you behind. Loneliness is indubitably the most taxing of all the ailments. But all I have is my pain. Without it I would be nothing. I can hold the fact that I suffer, over the heads of all who do not. It's a paradox. Without pain I am lost, I am nothing, but with pain I only seek to rid myself of it.
I want to find a way to cherish what I am as much as I cherish all of you.
The fallacy of "trolls" is the fact that everyone knows what it means to be one, and every troll knows what it means to feel the pain of the people they attack. Trolls believe they have the inherent right to attack others who haven't overcome what they, themselves have. The weaker. But we are all the same. Hate someone. Be hated. Love someone. Hate that person. Want attention. Be hated. Be loved. Reject that person. Hate someone. Forgive yourself. | |
Although most tend to linger on the sad, bad, or painful things in life, that doesn't mean pain is the only thing that has purpose and meaning. Did you not just say we are all cheating by thought of optimism? If that be so, why is pain all that matters? Without pain we would know no joy, happiness or have a purpose to keep going. Which is what you have done, else you might not have finished your post, for you might have just humped off a cliff or something. But I see were pain could over ride however, lingering on something such a pain is just foolish. It is but a sensation that we can have due to other things. Like happiness or any other feelings our bodies can hold.
All you have is pain? Sounds like memories? (good or bad which ever they be) You hold on to them to remember. Remember to always strive to be better? Or as you said "rid [yourself] of it". Your out look is very interesting.
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