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Starting out bad

Posted by Rosy at November 13, 2011
Tags: Juvenile problems  2011 November

I'm a 17 year old female. Just getting out of high school and accepted into a pretty nice college. I cannot say I am in bad predicaments like others can and for that I am grateful I have a home, vehicle, good paying job and food on the table; To some, I would say I'm living a very plush life. However, I do agree life does tend to suck, especially when your as lonely as I am. I have never met my real father; My step father was a drunken abuser before my mother divorced him. My mothers boyfriend was seventeen at the time i was fourteen or fifteen when she got into sorts with him. Even moved across the country with him leaving me with my grandparents who never really understood what was wrong with me. After awhile i moved with my mother across country away from home and friends and only because she was my mother in some weird way I still loved her. Her boyfriend was also abusive. Easily angered, less controlling of it. At a desperate escalated point at seventeen i moved in with my boyfriend again across the other part of the country, this time going up. In all fails, this one i thought wouldn't, sadly mistaken it did, a month after arriving for, I can honestly say, unknown cause he broke up with me. Leaving me alone with his parents and his older brother and family I hardly knew in, a town I didn't know. Of course i grew to know his family and after being abused for seventeen years of my life, living here now is paradise compared to what I am used to. Unfortunately, I have to say my love life is somewhat barren. For some reason or another any relationship I have never works. They always leave. My mother, my father, boyfriends, friends. I have always been alone, kept in the dark since I could actually understand what loneliness meant. Just once I would like someone to notice me for what I am. I am not mean, I would turn the world backwards for any friend or loved one. I have never cheated on a living soul since i have been cheated on numerous times. To me it feels like being this young, Love doesn't seem to be existing. I don't have any REAL friends, everyone likes me at work, I am liked by others. It's just finding that bondage to someone is hard for me to do, trust is an issue. To me it feels like I'm sitting in a dark room under one light with all backs turned to me. I'm terrified. My dream, is to find a true love have a happy family a home. Someone who sees me for what I am and what I sacrifice and give for others. Maybe that is selfish? Am I asking too much? It's just to me I feel like all my life Ive had people turn their backs on me. I don't depend on others, I do just about anything so how is it no one can seem to see me?


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Comments:
By anonymous at 22,Dec,11 16:38

Hello rosy, I am very sympathetic to your predicament. I too seem to have a nice life on the surface. I go to a community college, have one friend, no car.... but I do make money. Something is missing though. I believe that one day there will be a person who comes in to my life that won't leave and I can stay in touch with. What I'm trying to say is keep faith, I'm sure you'll find someone you can relate to :)


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