I am the steriotypical nerd. I live in the dark depths of my room. On my spare time I solve equations with my left hand and write in the death note in my right. I take patato chips...AND EAT IT. I don't have many friends. The friends I enjoyed hanging out with have girlfriends and most of the people im stuck with suck. College is the worst part. The funny thing is. The roomate i got is almost as anti social as I am. But this kid bitches about it every day. As for academics. I am considered to be an intelligent individual, without any common sense. E.i. I'm "book smart" or "analytical thinking smart" but I am not "socially smart" or "street smart." Is that it? No. To capitalize on my anti social life it goes without saying that I never had a relationship, ever. I have very little constact with women. I've tried to analyze the issue. The more I analyze the more i get confused. Until recently I drew one conclusion. I have at least two personalities. One is the smart, depressed, lazy, selfless person who believes that being sad is how I am, and that I am not worthy of happiness or love, and at the same time I want to believe that I am, so I try to make myself seem worthy by helping others. The other one is the smart, arrogant, selfish, and apathetic one. Still not too happy with life, but has little value over the lives of others. Has the belief that love is a weakness and that hatred will drive anyone to the limits. Also this personality has the belief that he is the only being that is real, and that everyone is created through his vision. In other words, he is a god. The one speaking now is probably the depressed person. It's pretty obvious because the other one would spend time listening to sephiroths theme and invisioning a world where he ruled, killing those who do not deserve life.
But since this is the depressed one speaking. It suits me to discuss this personalities issues. The other one is not present to get the true feelings.
I am messed up. I just recently started watching anime and I am already hooked. I am starting to believe that the person I will truely love will have the same feelings for me. In a lot of animes love at first sight happens. In the real world it doesn't, but I have to find someone that has those feelings for me. But... they dont exist. No one feels that way about anyone. The word "love" itself has been tarnished by the word "sex." I do not wish for that. I wish for true companionship. I find that to be stronger. The world is a depressing place, peoples emotions are not in check. I am capable of keeping my immotions to myself and being objective, but at the same time i am capable of having strong feelings. I dont see that in any woman. I think that if the meaning of life was to find true love then my life would be meaningless. My life would be like searching for something that isn't real. If that is the meaning of life, then the only moment that will be important in my life... is my death... | |
Try not to act as a nerd. And respect others. If someone says earth is flat, you don't interfere. Just leave it, or smile. :) Don't make a fool of yourself.
If you're a real nerd, then get some new clothes at least from this century. :D Even if a girl likes you as a person, she also cares what others think about you. Everybody does. If her best friends says "oh look at him, hes like blah blah blah..." It wouldn't add any bonus to you relationship/friendship.
After some practice you'll start meeting new people, making new friends. And maybe one day you fill find her.
Try to apply your best skills and build another personality. Just kidding.
Don't be sad. Think positive. And good luck to you.
New Comment