I am so sad today. Not that I am happy on other days. It is just that I am really sad right now. I hate crying, it never makes me feel better. My best friends are my two cats, Sammy and Tigger. I feel like I have nothing to live for. I could go into details, but I am sure I will get people who tell I have nothing to be sad about. It doesn't change the fact that even though I am a guy, I just want someone to hold me. I can't even not cry while I type this. I hate my life. I think I would be a pretty good boyfriend and a really good dad. I just don't want to get divorced. So I guess since I think about divorce I would not be that great of a significant other. Because if I was good ,you would think that I would stick with it even in the bad times. No, I give up to easy. I hate me. Everytime I see little kids I get sad because I know I would be a pretty good dad. But I just have this feeling that it will never happen for me. I hate being sad. It makes me even sadder. I wish I could've decided if I wanted to be born. But no, I did not get the choice. And know I get to live with it. I guess it could be worse. I only thought about death a number of times THIS winter. And with all of this rain in the last few days, I am suprised that it is not on my mind 24/7. I can hug my cats when I get sad, but I don't think that they get how sad I am. My heart aches. I feel like someone broke it. But I don't even know anyone that could. | |
I'm sure you can be a good boyfriend, husband or father, but there are things you need to change about yourself before you expect that part of your life to come into play. for starters, stop speaking down on yourself, stop saying you hate yourself. What are these reasons that are worthy enough to hate yourself? where are these feelings coming from and what's causing them? If you can't establish happiness yourself, then odds are you can't establish it with anyone else. thats why they say don't let your happiness be depended upon anything or anyone else. You are responsible for your own happiness.
Yes divorces are nasty, but its all about getting to know the right person for the right amount of time. It's all about making sure your mind is a 100% sure without a doubt that walking down the aisle with this person is what you really want. don't ignore red flags and if there are red flags, confront them to the point where you can either deal with it or can't, and have to cut your losses. Right now, you simply arent ready to jump into a relationship becuase you don't really have much self-love for yourself, and if you don't have that, how can anyone else have it for you?
I hope you are joking about suicide. That is never an option.
PLEASE LISTEN TO ME I AM A PSYCH.
Find a close friend and share your feelings. Even if it is one of your cats. Then the next day go to a FREE CLINIC and share the same.
Please do not consider suicide. Think of this: Who will care for Sammy and Tigger?
You have a lot to live for. More than most. At least you have two real friends.
Love the Psych. Doc.
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