My only son committed suicide Oct.31,1999 - My darling wife of 43 years did the same on May 10,2010. I have a daughter 42 that seems to blame me for their deaths and will have nothing to do with me.
My son had a wife and 5 children when he took his life after losing his job, his home, and his wife to divorce.
My wife fell, broke her back, and couldn't get the doctors to believe just how much pain she was suffering, and took her life when I was away buying groceries.
I am 69 years old, living all alone in a huge house with nothing but my darling wife's little chihuahua and my memories of when I was a family man.
They are wonderful memories and they are all that I have to live for now.
Each day is nothing but a consistant repitition of previous days,television, playing with the chihuahua,checking for mail that never comes,paying a phone bill for a phone that never rings,and talking to my departed wife as if she was still here with me. Life for me is a heavy weight around my shoulders that gets heavier with each passing day. I bought a .45 caliber handgun and keep it for the day that all this finally gets to me. If it is true that there is life after death, I long to be with my dear sweet wife again forever and always. |
just like the song! someone always has it worse!
And I think the suggestion of finding a hobby is a good one also.
Please hang in there.
Please hang in there, there is someone out there that can be healed by you, and may be mutually healing. If you can, get out of where you are and travel a bit, see the world, and be around others. I wish you peace and hopefully, some happiness again.
My son committed suicide September 18th, 2011. He was 16 years old. He was my heart, he was my reason for getting up in the morning, he was my entertainment and he was my life. His father died od ALS when he was 3 and he was my best friend. We had been through sooo much together and I truly thought that I knew everything about him...we talked ALL the time! I know as the Holidays approach I seem to get lower AAAAAAand lower...but I DO keep moving. My house is a mess because I don't stay home...my horses are getting to where they don't even bother to come to the fence because they know I am not coming to see them.
This is the first time I have made any kind of post about him and I did because of the malicious , painful things I read from other people's posts.
So it is the Holidays ...there are amny who have so little...volunteer your time somewhere...go wrap gifts for an organization to donate...serve Christmas dinner to the needy. Adopt an elderly person with no family to spend the Holiddays with you.
My point is...I have had to find reasons for my continued existence...a reason to get up in the morning...stay busy enough to go to bed tired at night. I've never been a couseling type person..I need someone who has been there to share my pain with..find a support group...DO SOMMETHING
I know this opens me up to horrible things being said to me like have been said to you but know that the choices you make each day set the tone for that day..God Bless and have a patient heart(from a Mom who lost too)
Moving and starting a brand new life is not a bad idea to consider. If you do that, join a class, move to a neighborhood that is known for being a friendly and active community, maybe with a warm, sunny climate, and join at least one activity, take walks and say "hi" to neighbors, etc. Go to the dog park with you chihuahua...these types of activities will help you to get into a better, more positive and forward moving place.
BUT FOR NOW CHERISH THE FACT THAT YOU HAVE LIVED ANOTHER DAY
YOU HAVE FELT THE SUNSHINE ON YOUR FACE ONE MORE TIME
YOU HAVE SEEN LIFE FOR ONE MORE DAY
SUICIDE NEVER HELPS ANY THING I LOST MY BEST FRIEND TO SUICIDE AND IT WAS PRETTY HARD TO OVERCOME
GO AND SOEAK TO YOUR DAUGHTER LET HER KNOW YOU LOVE HER AND YOU MISS HER
LET HER KNOW YOU WANT HER IN YOUR LIFE
YOU HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO BETTER YOUR LIFE
ITS UP TO YOU TO WORK THINGS OUT
DONT LET PRIDE DESTROY WHAT CAN BE.
YES YOU MOURN THE LOSS OF YOUR LOVED ONES BUT NOTHING YOU EVER DO WILL BRING THEM BACK
NOW CHERISH THE TIME YOU HAVE ON THIS GLORIOUS EARTH AND MAKE THINGS RIGHT
WHEN GOD CALLS YOU YOUR SOUL SHOULD BE HAOOY TO LEAVE WITH HIM CAUSE YOU DONT HAVE ANY UNFINISHED BUSINESS HERE.
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