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Lonely and wasting my teenage years

Posted by LonelyLottie at October 27, 2011
Tags: Juvenile problems  Loneliness  2011 October

Even though I feel sick of the world and everybody in it, loneliness is a feeling which many people can relate to, and if I tell you how I feel then maybe somehow I won't be as lonely as I truly believe I am. Maybe I can find comfort in sharing my lonliness with someone else who is going through a similar situation. Even though all I am essentially doing is ranting on about my own self centred little problems which in 10 year's time will probably seem ridiculously unimportant, right now I am deeply unhappy. It may be down to teenage hormones or whatever. I just need to vent my frustrations with life and I hope that someone woul dbe kind enough to read on and reply.

I used to have a great group of 7 friends but when I was 16 they all moved on to other schools, made new friends and slowly but steadily forgot about me. I've always been extrememly shy from a young age but when I was around my friends it seemed to give me more confidence to be myself. I fully expected that we would all drift apart a bit once we joined new schools but I never thought that they would all forget about me completely. They gradually stopped contacting me and lost interest altogether and instead got on with their new exiting lives with new friends.

In my case however, I remained where I was. Stuck in a rut. Stewing in my own stagnant, sour air. Sitting in my room every eveing, every weekend, every school holiday, staring at the same 4 walls, knowing that everone else my age is probably out having fun. Knowing that there must be something wrong with me. Still attending the same school, not bothering to make new friends. It seemed easier to me to just hide away in a corner than to make the effort to put myself out there and approach new people. All the stress and pressure of making new friends- I couldn't deal with it. Will they like me? What do they really think of me? Do they like me tagging along with them? Am I getting in their way? What's wrong with me? Why can't I just be normal and get along with normal, nice people? Why can't my anxiety go away? Why can't I just relax and be friendly like everyone else? Why do I have this barrier which stops me from approaching people and from others approaching me? WHY WON'T THIS LONLINESS GO AWAY?

My typical school day now consists of not talking to anyone apart from teachers if they ask me a question, and spending my lunch break in a secluded area in the library alone, starving hungry for something to eat but too scared to approach people to sit and eat lunch with them. I have this feeling of being terrified of talking to people, for fear of what they might think of me. A kind of social phobia. It's like my shyness overrules everything else- it's all I'm aware of and it controls how I behave. Well that's how i feel anyway- I don't know other people. I feel like I'm not totally in control of my brain or my actions. Inside I'm really a fun, friendly, interesting person who can't break out of this cage of shyness and anxiety which dominates everything else.

I'm about to turn 18, and this prospect scares me immensely. It kind of signifies the prime of my life, the age at which I should be happiest, having the most carefree fun on the brink of adulthood before life gets serious and sad. But the lonlieness I feel makes it seem as though I am wasting what should be the happiest time of my life. I'll never be this young or innocent again. Teenage years are supposedly meant to be the happiest of your life. Whilst other 'normal' people my age go out to parties, have boyfirends/girfriends and sieze every opputunity to have fun and make the most of their teenage years i feel like I have frozen in the little bubble that is my bedroom and I can't move foreward in my life. It's even affecting other aspects of my life. Whilst everyone else passes their driving test, I have no motivation even to start my first lesson. I've lost interest in schoolwork, even though I get good grades. I'm scared of going places by myself. I rely on my mother to take me out. It's like I'm a little kid all over again. My self esteem is non existent. I've no confidence to do anything, no drive. I'm starting to fall into a deep depression.
Everything is starting to slip through my fingers and there is no one to reach out to to help me.

It's wierd- although I've never spoken to anyone about any of this before, telling a complete stranger in a wierd cyber space my inner feelings doesn't scare me in the slightest. Because I know that like other lonely people reading this all I need is just for someone to listen. Just someone to talk to.

Thanks for taking the time to read this. I hope that you will reply :)



Votes:


Similar Entries:
Lonely December 22, 2011
Life just sucks March 20, 2010
I'm lonely as fuck. September 21, 2011
Nice March 28, 2011
Lonely September 23, 2011



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Comments:
By at 07,Dec,11 17:04

I've been there, that exact "deep depression" as you described. Go see a psychiatrist/psychologist, your brain is like a see saw kind of. Your probably not getting enough endorphin's, so it could be just a chemical imbalance that's making you so sad and lonely.
As for the anxiety, we all have it when trying to meet new people. Especially me one of the shy quiet ones lol. Just relax and try to not think about all the "what if they don'ts"
when trying to make new friends. Your in high school, i'd assume maybe there are some clubs you could join that you might be interested in? You'll make new friends that way if you get over the anxiety. But really look into seeing a therapist, they'll help you think differently and develop strategies for you to get over your anxiety.

Good luck (^_^)


By anonymous at 07,Dec,11 21:48

well i did listen


By anonymous at 07,Dec,11 21:56

i know this will sound bad but go get high or drunk. at least have a couple drinks with anyone who seems as chill as you. i used to be there but when i smoked my first bong. my brain and my eyes finally opened to what was going on around me and made me understand things ALOT more.


By anonymous at 07,Dec,11 23:55

So Far the advice before mine's S.U.C.K.S!!! Go see a psychiatrist??? Like he/she has money for a $100/hour session not to mention there's nothing wrong with him/her!!! Get High or Drunk?? Yea become another dead beat druggy covering their internal unhappiness with poison. Let me give you some REAL advice: You have all the answers already in your head your "scared" to go places, you have no "confidence" or "self-esteem", and your sitting in your room "every evening, every weekend, every school holiday, staring at the same 4 walls, knowing that everyone else 'your' age is probably out having fun". Can you see the problem?? You are your own worse enemy. You have to hit the brakes on this cycle and start fresh. Don't worry about other people first, YOUR FIRST and their opinions are a distant second. What makes you lack confidence and self-esteem?? I've never met one person who thought they were attactive and at the same time had no confidence or self-esteem so I'm assuming you don't think your attractive. The cruel reality of our culture is that attractive people have it easier than unattractive people. SO you can say forget what other people think or make yourself as attractive as possible. Nobody jumps at the chance to hang out with a bad breath, grossly overweight, dry haired, dryed skin, smelly person with no money so make sure your as far away from that description as possible. Either way, hit the gym, swim, run, and get active. Shape yourself into whatever attractive means to you. Volunteer, when I was unemployed and down I went to volunteer at a soup kitchen. It made the world of a difference. Instead of sitting in your room make it a point to ALWAYS be outside. Walk to a library, store, or park and read a book or relax. You said you get good grades so your probably smart, therefore learn a new language. While all of your classmates are partying you can become a more diverse and intelligent person. It's funny how the kids I went to school with that were the coolest are doing absolutely nothing and I'm living it up. If all you want to do is leave high school with a blast then get off the computer and start making friends and don't limit your friends to people who you might think are cool, good looking, or popular. Be open minded, look good, smell good, act good, feel good, and things will be good. Good Luck ~~~ Palm Beach BoriCua Boy


By anonymous at 09,Dec,11 05:48

Ok the last advice (post) given to you was not that bad in all honesty. Keep in mind though everything is easier said then done. 'Start making friends?' Any idiot can come up with that, its fairly difficult for someone with social anxiety. May as well tell a paraplegic to swim the English channel, but i digress.

Truth be told though, ive been in your shoes, im 23 now and still the same. My advice is act fast! Dont let your life slip by. But even all the trying in the world sometimes isnt enough. Therapy might help, and so might anti-depressants or something similar. The only insane thing that i have come to learn is you cant keep doing the same thing over and over and expect different results. You simply have to change it up, otherwise things simply wont happen for you. The fact that you said you have always been shy and might have anxiety reminded me of myself. Just recently ive discovered that ive probably had aspergers and depression/anxiety for years without really knowing. These can be a hard thing to diagnose (especially when you have no one close in your life), and no one truly knows the exact cause. Genetics and environment certainly play a large part i think. Seek help if you can, seriously, you wont regret it. Talk to the person closest to you, even if its just a friend or family member, (hopefully there is someone) and let them know that your struggling. They might not be able to help you, but you have nothing to lose from it.

They probably have better advice for you then us yoyos on this website. Would we be here reading posts on life sucks if we had all the answers?


By anonymous at 12,Dec,11 03:22

Wow, its just like reading my high school diary. I'm 23 now and all I can say is just sit tight. Getting out of your parent's house and away from the horror that is high school won't fix everything but it sure as hell makes a difference in the day-to-day living experience. Somehow being forced into independence helps you build a bubble, a little forcefield of safety, that says "I don't care what you think, I think I'm pretty great". Things might be less than fantastic now, but use this time to practice psyching yourself up for who you want to be when you get a chance to break out of the rut. It doesn't fix everything but you'll be amazed how far a little fake self-confidence goes - you'll be believing it along with everyone else and they'll get to see what a smart, cool person you are inside


By anonymous at 08,Jan,13 03:13

OMG I can definenately relate! The only thing is that I've NEVER had a friend even once in my life and I'm 19 for cryin out loud! People that I met in the past turned out to be fakes who were just using me for my money and nothing else. I lost a total of 1k that I was saving to buy a ticket to Tokyo this summer. Yea life sux alright. My teen years will really be a waste if I don't go. I wanna go to Tokyo this summer and I still have time to raise the money, but I wanna find a penpal to hang out with too. However, watching all these videos on Youtube on Harajuku aka "Teenage Heaven" is making me sad :(


By crorkz at 23,Nov,14 17:22

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