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God I hate myself & my life

Posted by anonymous at October 27, 2011
Tags: Family  Job  2011 October  Relationship

I'm turning 40 in a couple of months and i live with my mom. I had to move in with her after i lost a job and my boyfriend i was going to move in with broke up with me (after a 4 year relationship). I decided to go back to school for another degree so i can one day get a better job, but am struggling to come up with the money for school. I'm still in debt from some stuff from the past.

I finally found a job but it's terrible and I'm so stressed every day I feel sick. It's very far from where I live; i spend so much on gas and the job doesn't even pay well. But it's better than being unemployed like i was for 9 months.

I am dating a guy i think i am in love with but he is not in love with me. I think he is using me as his Rebound Relationship (he is in the process of a divorce; I met him when he had been separated for almost a year.) we have been dating for a year and i thought he had fallen for me too, but just this past weekend i found out that he still doesn't even consider me his girlfriend & still doesn't want a serious relationship. My self esteem is soo freakin' low from bad past relationships that i can't even bring myself to stop seeing him.

i am stressed out and depressed every day and i never feel well but have no health insurance (i work a freelance job, no benefits). my mom also drives me nuts sometimes but i can't afford to move out and still save for school. And soon i will be 40 years old and i am finally feeling old, and scared, and like life is not worth it.


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Comments:
By anonymous at 08,Dec,11 00:53

i was in a similar situation 3 years ago--40, barely employed, rejected by man i was supposed to live with, moved back to home city and lived with parents for 2 months. it totally sucked, i'm not going to lie. i felt like i was being stabbed in the gut every day. but, i got out of it. the next year i got some more work. i got a sublet. then i moved back to california. then i got a better job. then i found a lover who, while not a relationship, made me quite happy for a while. things aren't perfect now, but they did get better. things do change. hang in there.


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