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grief

Posted by Lydia at March 10, 2010
Tags: Loneliness  2010 March

I don't know how to continue. My husband died last year and no one has called me since the funeral. If I call my brother and ask for something, he and his wife helps, but they never call me. But if I start to cry they just sit there and wait for me to stop. They do not know how to console. It will soon be a year since my soulmate left me and I do not know if I can go on. I don't see my daughter anymore althought she doesn't live very far away. My son who has moved to another town, 2 hours away comes often. My husband thought he had friends but when he got ill he was surprised that no one called. He was surprised that it was so quiet. the phone didn't ring unless it was from the doctor or the nurse. For 21 months I took care of him as well as I could, but I never felt that I did enough. I had to change his diet as not to stain his body too much. I helped him get dressed, I helped him take small walkes, I helped him change his night clothes and I changed the sheets in the middle of the night when the medicine made him perspire so much so that the mattress was soaked, I observed te nurses at a clinic massage his feet and did that as often as my own back would allow me, after a year his toenails finally looked normal, I helped when he needed to change the second stomi the first one he took care of himself most of the time, I watched the tumor grow outside his body and could figure out how it grew inside, which other organs it pushed on and took over, I watched his arms ge thinner and his legs. I watched him take his last breath. And none of his friends seem to miss him. What is a friend. When my mother died, two months earlier, many of her friends called and wrote to me, she had friends. But I no one seem to miss me nor my husband.


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Comments:
By at 10,Mar,10 17:53

I Think that this is very strange, i can only GUESS why they wouldnt be so sympathetic, but i honestly don't know what is wrong here. But the one thing that you should always keep close to heart is the fact that your husband knew that you were always there for him, he knew that you loved him and took care of him before he passed away. So you did your part and yes you did more than enough, even if you didnt feel like it. you were being a good wife.

I would suggest you talk to your famliy and see what their problem is becuase they should have been there for you more than what they had given. I and others do not know what the deal is, so this is something that you should address to them.


By anonymous at 10,Mar,10 18:03

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. As some one who is ill myself, I also experienced people pushing themselves away from me. Many cannot deal with illness, so when they know someone who is ill they just ignore that person. Meanwhile, this leaves the person who is sick devestated that in their time of need they are so very alone. Not to make excuses for them but I have experienced something quite similar myself. Hun you did your best and it sounds like you were a wonderful support and comfort to him, do not beat yourself up and forget those so called friends this tragedy revealed their true character and now it is time to allow some new true real people into your life


By anonymous at 10,Mar,10 18:05

I am so sorry for your loss and happy to hear of your devotion to your husband when he needed you the most. Your family may not be able to handle the depair that you have. It is very difficult to talk to peole that have lost someone so close. You need to heal your heart and begin living. Remember the good things between you and your husband and know that he would want you to be happy. You gave your most valuable asset to him when he needed it the most, that was your time and devotion. I hope something wonderful happpens to you soon.


By anonymous at 11,Mar,10 01:49

you know how to deal with a death? do something everyday that he would've enjoyed. live your life as he would have for a while in celebration of his life. don't let the other people bring you down. go somewhere where your husband loved to go or wanted to go. celebrate his life. talk to him too, if people look at you wierdly, oh well. i speak of personal experience.


By at 15,Mar,10 11:18

Stop depending on others...be ur own person....stop relieving the moments of ur husbands death...time to do something new...wake up smiling for once....do something new...meet new people....live up ur life because u know ur husband wouldn't want to see u this way


By anonymous at 15,Mar,10 13:17

You need to go through grief counseling. Either through a psych. or a church.

There is a process to grief and losing your husband is a huge blow right? Do you have a support network? No, not by your post. Do you have a stable support of others? No, not by your post.

Go t a professional counselor. That is what we are there for, and we are free. Please seek professional help.

Love the Psych Doc


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