I really dont get it. they say hard work pays off... they say i need to keep trying and trying... i do... i push myself to the limit in everything i do and i dont have the energy to continue pushing myself.
After studying my ass off and going into interview after interview i got internship. That is all i wanted. I prepared for every interview and researched every company. It took me two semesters. I kept hearing "you were great but we want someone with more experience"
My friend, he is lazy... he never prepares. He didnt get an internship. He ended up getting given a part time job. After he interviewed he was asked for references and was so lazy he forgot to give them. Someone else was hired but with his luck he was given a second chance when that person quit and not he has a part time job which apparently makes him very employable. Far more than me who studies and works hard. He gets given second interviews when he doesnt work for them.
I on the other hand get rejection after rejection. Why do lazy people get everything.
All my life i pushed myself... it is supposed to pay off right?\
When I was 3 my dad died. I am 23 now. 2 years ago my stepdad, the only dad i had really known, died. It broke my heart.
I am stupidly in a long distance relationship with my girlfriend. Have been for a year and a half. We fight so much that I often think of breaking up. Almost did a few days ago. But she said she didnt think she would love again without me. I really dont feel like i am in a healthy relationship.
I am exhausted from interviewing and being rejected. I have another friend. He interviewed more than i did.... he gets every single 2nd interview...
during my internship i worked my ass off. I worked over 60 hours a week... they paid me for 40... i created a tool which they will be using for years. I was told they were impressed with my work ethic, they thought i was very intelligent, they thought i picked things up quickly.... but i made a couple of mistakes. I said a couple of wrong things that even other people in the company thought were not that bad... it was for those small things that i was rejected. They told me they wont be extending me an offer.
Who says hard work pays off?
i want to die... i am really tired of everything... i cant stand it all.... i try and try but what the hell can i do?
Rarely does anythign go my way... and when it does someone i know... a peer, not even someone who should be above me... immediately does better. I am not recognized for anything i do.
i know it is not healthy to compare myself to others but... just once i would like to feel... like i am at the top... ill never feel that way... i want to go to sleep and never wake up....
if anyone reads all this i wont kill myself... i dont think i could... but i do think i could sign a DNR very easily.... | |
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