when I was born I got nerve damage on the left side of my face and I grew up with a crooked smile . One time I was trying to make friends with someone and they looked at me and asked my why only 1 side of my face moved then walked away. I moved a lot and had to be forced to go to church every sunday of my life. By the way I went to Kenya Africa with my parents when I was 2. So every sunday of my life I was forced to listen to a sermon I didnt want to hear and it was in swahili. Oh and they lasted about 4 hours. Plus the 1 hour ride home. I never had a girlfriend. I spent 20 years in Kenya Africa and the rest moving around the U.S. In school I would just walk by and people would laugh at me. Now Im 32 and living in the U.S. I have very few friends. Every girl Im around seems to hate me because Im different. Im allways the "neat kid who spent his life in Africa with the lions". Isnt that exciting. I bet the lions even laughed at me. Well I tried having friends on facebook but one girl said i was ugly and had no friends. I at least have a playstation 2 and some good games and a drum kit. That is fun. Even by myself. I allways feel like Im not liked or don't belong. I do some carpentry work but not enough to make a living off it so Im 31 and I live with my parents. I never had a girlfriend. Ive tried to kill myself many times, only to end up in a mental hospital with a bunch of strange people for a few weeks. At least they talked to me. I feel like Im living a nightmare and if I wake up Ill probably find out Im actually dead. I feel like Im dead. I have nothing to live for. No future. I recently found out my great grandfather was part of a masonic cult who did who knows what. I just quit my facebook account and am hoping my life will end really soon. But the only reason I dont kill myself is because it would hurt my family and I would probably end up in hell. Oh well Im allready in hell. Just add flames and no water. I dont even know why im writing this. No one will care or read it anyway. If anyone could tell me a quick way to die I wouldnt mind it. Im thinking about a good hanging or something. Well thats the end of that. | |
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Forget the past. Forget everything that happened to you before.
Next, realize that you have a loving family, one that cares for you. Also realize that you don't live in poverty (because you own a PS2 and a drum kit and etc.). Then you have to get a makeover. Get a nice haircut or something (DONT GET HIGHLIGHTS! PEOPLE WILL THINK YOU ARE GAY AND GIRLS WONT GO FOR YOU!)
Now you have to improve your social awkwardness problem. Look up some good jokes, ones that you can tell anyone. Then, know that you can't tell anyone your depressing life story. Don't look at suicide as an option. Look at depression as a reason to improve yourself, let it push you to try harder.
Now, you have to list out the things you like to do. Do you like sports? Do you have a common hobby? Photography? Music? Join something. A club, an activity with other people. Socialize.
And if you like music, first improve, then try to join a band.
Go to a club/bar. Meet some girls, pick up tricks to pick them up. Be the smooth mysterious, yet sweet guy all girls like.
Listen to me. Your life is long, and only YOU can change what you do with it. Act now. Try new things. And if something/someone hurts you, get away. You have the potential to do many great things. Go for it.
I'm not sure why everyone talks about God. If I were you mate I would forget God for now. People rely on God, Jesus etc. Way too much when really there is no point relying on something backed up by absolutely no evidence. Look at your life and do something about it. I recommend going to the gym, working out try talking to people. If your not confident that could be why your having an issue getting a job. Start job hunting all over the place I promise you, that you'll find one.
Make sure you seek your parents support and find a dream and follow it. I am 19 years old, i am doing a hairdressing apprenticeship i am going to join a gym and I am really happy. Sometimes I feel a little down since I am leaving a phase of my life where i have been very lonely. For some reason I know that within a year, if that I will be the happiest i've ever been.
If you kill your self you are not sure where you are going to go. If there is no afterlife then you will phase out of existence and very little people will remember you. People kill themselves because they cannot deal with their lives and want relief. However you will not feel this relief as you will be dead.
Do not give up, I read what you say and I feel like the people who made you live in Africa are partly responsible for your bad start, but do not give up find things to do, fill your life with productivity and you'll find your place.
I read a lot of these comments, and I see how dumb some people are, relying on religion to be happy. You need to create your own happiness, and you will do so by following my advice.
Once your comfortable with your life, confident and (I hope) happy. Find a girl friend, or boy friend depending on what you prefer (if you want one, some people prefer to be single) and try out a relationship.
Suicide is for the weak. You've come here for help I can see that, and the fact you've attempted to commit suicide (but not succeeded) tells me your crying for help. I wish I could help you more but this comment will have to suffice.
If I knew you in real life I would probably be friends with you. You've got a interesting background and I am sure we'd get along.
This is coming from a 19 year old who lacks perhaps some life experiences, but in my short life I've encountered a lot of hardships and recovered from bad things and I am really still recovering. But I love life, and you should to.
Good luck.
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