I feel so alone, and angry.
I'm in a relationship, and it was great at first - back when I didn't think about my demons. Now, every day brings me to my knees. I don't know how much longer I can last. I'm always flat broke - all I have are aspirations for a successful, independent future, and the reality of my totally dependent, near-meaningless life-so-far. I can't see a way out of this kitchen.
And I'm so alone. I had a hard time being happy in other people's good fortune, as they leap ahead and leave me behind. I've begun to tune the updates out, alienate the few people I could call on. Every moment that I'm still, panic rises in my throat when I think that he could find someone smart and pretty, and kick me out.
I'm turning into a recluse, and I'm so afraid. I'm afraid I will never get another chance to start over, and that I'll be old and alone, and pathetic.
This is my scream. | |
If you're not working at least 70 hours a week, shut up. You're spending your off hours spending money. Get a second or third job and stop whining about being broke, take control and do something about it. You're only a victim of yourself. If you did this for five years and banked the 2nd check, you have $100,000.00 just sitting there. That would give you confidence. Then you could probably find a spouse, twat out some kids and have a nice life.
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