I am an 18 year old girl. I used to be very full of life and happy. about 4 years ago this changed. it was very gradual. i began struggling with depression when I was a freshman in High school. Since then Its been a roller coaster ride. to this day i am still struggling. A little over a year ago my parents announced they were going to get a divorce. It is still in the courts and we are all still living under one roof. Almost every morning I am woken up by their fighting. I have 3 younger brothers also. Living in this house is toxic. the atmosphere is draining and everyone has lost their motivation as well as their compassion for others..Which kills me because i used to be one of the most compassionate people out there. and it hurts that I lost that. I've never really had my father there for me...growing u he had a job that demanded him be there through the week and i would only see him on weekends, and when he did come back he didn't make much of an effort to form a bond with me..so I looked elsewhere. in high school I joined a club called cat-tv. It demanded a big time commitment and I liked that bc it would keep me out of the house. The advisor for that club became my father figure. he was ALWAYS there for me. he even told me he thought of me like a daughter. there were countless occasions when he saved my life. He is the closest thing I've ever had to a father. but I found out that he slept with my best friend at the time..and that KILLED me. I told another adult that i really trusted at the school bc I was so confused and angry and let down. Me doing so ultimately led to him getting fired. that KILLED me. in an instant I lost my father. he doesn't know it was me..i haven't talked to him since he was fired.. i guess he turned out to be a real asshole looking back. but having him out of my life resulted to me cutting myself with a clothes hanger...this all happened about 7 months ago..i still have the faintest scare reminding me of him. I feel like i have nothing to live for. NOTHING. all my friends went of to college, and I'm stuck at home with no car, no freedom. all i do is work. workworkwork. i feel like its getting me nowhere! idk what to do anymore. my faith in God, my faith in anything getting better..has dwindled. I have no hope anymore. Im lifeless. and I don't know how to change that.. | |
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