I just think its really sad how some of us are born into a shitty reality without causing it or being responsible for it. call it bad luck if you may. some people just dont deserve to be parents. I know I will never be a parent, and hell, why the fuck do people give birth to more then 1 child? Im absolutely sick and tired of hearing whiney bitches complain about how they're jealous of me for having a sister when thats one of a main reasons I feel like my life sucks.
So anyway. Imagine what its like to have your life ruined before you even have a chance to refuse. I was born a normal baby in a fairly shitty eastren europian country. my parents couldnt afford to feed me so my mom bought some cheap shitty spanish food and overfed me with it till I got to the point of being morbidly obese and could barely walk. When I was 1 year old my parents desided to immigrate to a slightly less shitty country which today i deeply hate. I'd like to mention that ever since I was a little kid the only friend I was allowed to have was food. food and my sister, who hated my guts and tried to kill me when i was 4 years old(she was 8) by pushing me off the stairs. she would destroy my toys, make me throw them away and sometimes beat me. my parents always put her in charge whenever they left the house so she pretty much got away with doing whatever she wanted and I got the beating. she and my dad would often make fun of my weight, him calling me a baloon, and her telling me im a fat pig.
My parents were very "over protective" or some shit like that so i was never allowed to have any friends, not that anybody wanted to befriend me anyway. I was a constant joke to my classmates ever since I stepped foot in kindergarden. I was always the outkast, the quiet one. I never managed to develop any social skills or have even 1 real friend.
At the age of 14 I desided enough was enough, I went on an extreme diet, followed by my sister(which is an anorexic today) teasing me for it and convincing my parents they should tease me too "for my wellbeing".
I thought it would all change in highschool but it didnt. I was still the weirdo. the outcast. it lasted like this for 3 years. 3 years of absolute hell, now I wasnt teased, I was just invisible. people always treated me like im inferior. I dressed like shit and always wore the same clothes because my parents were too cheap to buy me clothes. I was a neglected child.
I had 2 relationships, both in which I initiated first and got rejected. ever since i've been alone.
anyone, thats my life story till about here. I am constantly depressed. always alone. im scared of people. i hate people. i feel like everyone are shit and nobody gives a shit about me. my parents got devorced. i now live with my mom and sister, both who make me despise life. i feel like now i am left to pick up the pieces. i hate the country i live it. i hate the way i look. and i pretty much hate my life. im fairly sure that if i kill myself nobody would give a fuck, people would just feel sorry for me. and i hate proving them what they thought of me was right.
I plan on saving money and leaving my country without anyone knowing to do a course in some extremely shitty job, so i could later start working and start a new life by myself. i want to break free from this cage my parents trapped me in. i dont care how. kinda hoping life would get better once im far from them.. I once told this plan to my dad and he just said i'll fail, that im a nobody and everyone will treat me like shit. but i dont get treated here any better. im used to it, and being far from my so called "family" and leave my country would be the best thing for me. the only thing for me. I now know that if i fail, I will 100% hang myself. I dont see a point in life, it wont be very tragic and no one will ever know.
So yeah, thats my story. sorry it was so long. | |
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