When i was 3 my father died of a heart attack and my mum got depressed so she sent my sister and I to live with my grandma after 4 years of schooling my grandma died so we went back to live with mum who lived in this shit hole apartment.. I never got upset from a death I'm like that anyways I went to the new school and didn't like it so i refused to go to school and my mum didnt care, the goverment sent people to try and convince me to go back to school but i just ignored them and they went away and after some discussions they figured it would be best if i just did monthly tests to grade-up, So basically all i would do every day for 4 years is eat sleep and watch tv.. never going outside never talking to anyone just simple living, and so when it was time for high school i thought it would be better so i gave it a try but by then i hadn't left the house for years.. and had devolped really bad anxiety and couldn't stand talking to people or looking at people and even the sound of my own voice was strange. I stopped going to high school after a week and never went back they got me on this distance school program were they send me the work then i complete it then send it back.. but mums boyfriend just does it for me.. when i was 14 i was sitting in my bath contemplating suicide so i cut a little bit into my left wrist but it hurt to much to continue. so i gave up on suicide and just accepted that from now on everything i do and try is pointless eat, sleep for 13 hours a day.. watch tv.. go to sleep.. what a life.. and everyday is so fucking boring driving me crazy i tried to create imaginary friends but i dont have a good enough imigination or mental power and i was thinking about joining the army so i could die "trying to be a hero" or something so my mum and sister didnt think i was suicidal. i should be in year 10 this year getting ready for year 11.. ive been thinking bout going to year 11 next year trying to be social and stuff i dont know.. Because in my head i still feel 8 years old and lost but on the outside im some 16 year old teenager and i look like a stranger to myself and i fucking hate it.. its so stupid to wake up to myself everying morning and think, I should have a life, i should have a proper education, i should be smart, i should have hopes and dreams to aspire to, i should have a job A girlfriend.. but i cant accomplish all this.. im too immature.. and stupid to attempt any of this.. and that is why ive given up in everything
thanks for listening to me whinge.. hope it makes you feel slightly better about your life | |
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