I feel guilty for writing about how miserable inside I am since I should say be grateful everyday for my 2 awesome children, nice roof over my head and kind husband, not to mention my doggie, but I have never been more miserable in my whole life. You see I live and breathe nature and the natural world. It's the only place I find truth and solace, yet now everywhere I look, oil rigs and technology is raping the last of the wild in this part of the world and my beloved earth is being destroyed all around me. Worse yet are the masses of people that have become soooo disconnected to the world that sustains our life with air, food and water, that it absolutely breaks my heart and leaves me speechless. I have no desire to live in a world that is dead and money means nothing to my soul or happiness. Even in a job that took me three long months of testing to obtain kills me with coworkers that lack zero compassion to people's suffering (& we are exposed to it daily) and have even less regard for the four legged creatures or the natural world. I understand now how the Native Americans felt as their culture was violently stolen from them, and their once free spirits became enslaved to an industrial society that has now made slaves out of all of us. How is this living anymore? It seems to me more like existing - now I understand why almost everyone I know has a substance or alcohol problem, because we have been forced to deny our souls; their own truths from their destinies creating us to lead vacuous lives.
My life sucks because aside from my children, the only thing that means the world to me is nearly gone and with it my spirit that is dying too.
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