I am now 31. when i was 20 I conviced of a crime. I was charged with theftby receiving. they gave ten years in prision. I was put in custidy as soon as the judge gav my sentence. I was put on the bus with serval other women and the all were wearing street clothes and i had ona pretty floral dress balck heels nude stockings white slip white bra and white panties with butterflies and flower print. We taken off the bus and put in to holding cell at the prsion. The took to anther area where there was stalls with no doors. The officer said that it was time for body cavity search and she alos said when the basket is full give to the guard. While I was getting undressed I saw other women undressing. I strip down to my bra and panties and the guard I had take off everything. As soon as i put my bra and panties in the basket I gave the it to the guard. After the search they made us take shower and we only got 30 seconds. they gave uniforms and we had to sign in. One night I got raped. 3 women took to another part of the jail and ripped of my uniform and lingerie and and fondold me and committed sexual acts on me. Then they beat me. I was in the imfirmery for a week to recover. That still plays over and over in my mind. Ten years lock up raped and lost my veginity. I served the entire sentence. I got 6 monthes ago. No to help me no freinds. No one to love me. I was pretty when i went in to prisoin and came out rough looking. My life sucks becuase of on stupid thing I did. I am lost with the ten ten years of my life gone. I wish i could find a man to love me. My parents wil not help me and I can get job becuae there is no job to get. My life sucks.
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Despite that, you had it pretty rough, but look at it this way: you are 31, that's still pretty young. Have you noticed there are people who are 40+ years old on this website and they have the same problems you do right now (single, don't know what to do with their life). To put it into perspective: You have lost 10 years on your life and you still are ahead of some people in many ways. That basically means that the next 10 years of your life will probably be very productive and pleasurable.
As for those terrible things you had to go through, well it's all in the past now. I'm sure it must be very hard, but there is absolutely nothing anyone, including yourself, can do about that (apart from maybe seeing a therapist?), so it would be wise to try your best to let go of those memories and look ahead, not behind.
I'm sure you will meet someone who likes you, but you have to mingle with the right people, you don't want to meet some jerk who will only make things worse.
Money is essential, and love is not. How can you earn money? YOu can turn religious as they forgive and provide you with connections.
Or you can work in the sex industry. Looking rough? Overweight? Google healthy life style, diet, and live by the results. Work as a stripper for it is easier. Be a prositute as it gives secured income. There is one state in the US where it is leagal to work in brothel. Half of Australia has legalised brothel. You can make a good living if you are determined enough.
Love? You just need to learn to live in society again and find one man who loves you for who you are with all the attraction you ever posses. Doesn't it sound easy? I assume that you wont turnt to women as you were raped by women.
You are looking for a an to take care of you !
You need to learn to take care of YOU !!
You can not think prince charming is going to pay all your bills and you don't have to work for anything .
What you need to do to make a better choices in YOUR life and is ask God into your life !!
God is the only one who can save you not a man !!
The way your going is yes you will find a man but will he treat you right or use you and abuse you ?
You need to love yourself and be strong with the faith of God .
Ask God what do you want me to do ..
God will show you the path your purpose ..
Don't you want that ?
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