First of all, my position is not as terrible as some of those posted here. I do realize that.
Here we go. I am a male in my twenties, still studying at the university, final year. I am shy, I have an introverted personality. I am quiet, but not completely awkward to talk to. I can lead pretty decent small talk, although it is a chore. I do have friends and I meet new people when circumstances put me in situations where I have to do that. On the bright side, I think I am intelligent, trustworthy, loyal, honest and creative. I'm not very fit, but I'd say I'm quite healthy in general and I do enjoy certain types of athletic activities. Not overweight or anything, but not very muscular either. Tall. I consider myself average looking or slightly better.
The big problem for me is that I also have an unsightly deformation in my chest area. I am very self conscious about it, and very ashamed of it. I do not go to beaches, I do not swim in the water where there are people around and I do not ever take my shirt off when anyone could be watching. There is a surgical procedure that could fix this, but it's invasive, the recovery process is very long and painful, and successful results can not be guaranteed. I'd still go for it but I can't afford the procedure as it is quite expensive. I've heard one in every thousand people have this condition... Lucky me.
My shyness combined with this other problem is seriously putting a damper on my romantic life. I'm almost in the second half of my twenties (not that old, I know) and I never had a girlfriend. I never had any friends of the opposite sex. Heck, I never even had a decent, meaningful conversation with a girl.
I really want to start looking for someone. I'm not interested in short term relationships and one night adventures. I just want someone to talk to, to hold hands, and hug and just plain be with. You know, love... Corny, but that's how i have been feeling for some time now.
I'm afraid that if I find the right girl and I seriously fall in love, she might not like me because of how I am (my physical problems that is, it really is serious and looks bad if I remove my shirt). Or even worse, she might like me somewhat, but deep inside maybe regret that, because she would think she deserves someone better than me. Hell, even if she wouldn't think that, I would. There are plenty of guys out there, some are as good as me, but without the problem, some are even better, so why should this person that I love so much and who deserves all the best have to settle for someone not as good as she could get. In essence what I'm saying is, even if she is happy, I would still feel bad just for the way I am and for keeping her away from potentially better guys out there. That's pretty fucked up I think :\.
If I could know that for some reason all this doesn't matter, than I could maybe gather my courage to try to overcome my shyness and find a girlfriend, otherwise I could forget it all together and concentrate on other things in (single) life. As it is now, I'm just confused about what to do...
So what do you, dear anonymous readers, think about all this? I hope you will be brutally honest with me. It is crucial. I think that observing from the sidelines gives you a clearer picture than I can see from my point of view, and if you are a female, your insight is even more useful.
P.S. Let me start the radical honesty show- I believe (this is just MY opinion) looks are very important in a romantic relationship. They are not critical, and as long as people are at least average looking, all is right, but cross bellow that threshold and chances of being in a good relationship begin to decrease. Of course, looks without brain is just vain, and completely unattractive, and if you are pretty and smart/talented- you are one lucky person... | |
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