Thank you whomever made this site, it feels good to know there are others feeling this way; yet at the same time it feels horrible to know others feel this void, like myself.
I am a few weeks shy of 29 years old, my teens were great, I was out and about always with something to do, somewhere to go. After finishing school, I went straight into the working world; leaving behind pretty much everything I've come to know as "fun" in order to succeed, do good by my family and show them that I am capable of providing for myself; kind of my own little success story.
The downside, I forgot what it's like to enjoy life. I lost contact with everyone whom I ever really knew, I have no idea where to go about meeting people and fear I lack the ability to even make friends even if the chance was staring me right in the face. I've become a washed up cubical animal, I only speak with co workers about work matters; head home and spend the rest of my day rotting in front of the TV/Computer. I don't have a Facebook because I don't have anyone to add; no AIM; I don't even check my e-mails at home because I know every e-mail is work related.
I enjoy being with myself, a sound body and mind. I occasionally feel very horrible in terms of relationships with the "outside" life; often asking myself why can't I be like other people. I'm a 6'5" nice looking guy with great moral character, I take the train with the same people every day yet even though we know each other (as we see each others faces daily) we are like cattle, total strangers. This has become my life.
I have lost any sensation I used to enjoy, my favorite past time things I can't even find enjoyable for a moment. Food does not taste the same, I often have terrible dreams and I try to pass time on by. I try and avoid my reality, a sad, lonely and desperate reality.
I'm scared that this is it, if it has been for over 3 years, what will ever change? I feel the world is less social, with technology and with others and their childhood friends; as I get older there is no room for me. I will become nothing but a memory to my family, and it will be like I've never even existed.
I pray to God, for myself, and for you out there feeling the same cold darkness with no light in sight. That light at the end of the tunnel isn't a way out, it's a freight train. It only comes close enough to tease you, I keep being reminded of Al Pacino's rant in the Devils Advocate 'look, but don't touch. touch, but don't taste. taste, but don't swallow'. This is my life. I wish I could understand it.
Thank you,
Good luck to you all. | |
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