LIFE SUCKS

please don't give up

i dont really know what to say, coz lets face it nothing i write is really gona help and chances are it will make things worse (but i really hope not). yea its crappy to have nothing to wake up to and nothing to give u a reason to be alive. i try and stay asleep as long as i can because then i dream and things seem to have a point and everything i hate in life goes away. but then the moment my eyes open and my brain kicks in, the world jolts me back to reality and its as though im in this loop of nothing where it doesnt matter what day it is because its always the same anyway, and i wish id never woken up. i know u didnt ask for my life story, bt i guess wot im trying to say is that when ur lyin in bed because there is nothing to get u up and ur going slowly insane because of everything going round and round in ur head, i feel the same (small consolation i realise, i mean whos gona care if their not the only person in the world feeling like crap wen all they wana do is die. but i duno i think its better than feeling alone and that noone else knows how u feel). any way i cant really offer any help (well not help, coz u didnt ask for any and i dont wana preach at u like some self-righteous twat, unless u think i already am and then im sorry) all i can say is i got my heart broken by the person i loved and wud have done anything for, and instead of staying friends i broke all contact and havnt spoken to them since. i cudnt say whether that was the best choice, i still think about them everyday but it doesnt hurt as much any more its mainly regret that im not in their life. so the options are, stay friends and hurt everytime u see them, or dont see them at all and miss out on being something, anything in thier life. not great options either way sorry, in my experience thats the way life is, u get the choice of crappy or crappy. i wudnt suggest to anyone to kill themselves. it isnt my place. nor is it my place to tell someone that they must stay alive, live life and pull themselves together. (which by the way in my opinion is probably the least helpful thing you cud say to someone who asks for help. except mayb 'cornflakes' but lets face it who the hell wud ever say that in a time of crisis (sorry my sense of humour has to have an outlet somewhere but i DO NOT think how ur feeling is a joke, im trying to mayb make u smile...its a longshot i realise). you are the only one who can make the decision to live or die, the thought of which makes me feel even more alone. but the way i see it is, FUCK IT! im gona live my life knowing that if i want out i can end my it wenever i want. so why not stay alive jus purely because i can, iv got nothing to loose coz in my head things are already at there worst, i can do pretty much wot ever i like (within reason of course im not gona hurt the ppl that actually do giv a damn about me) coz if i mess up big time (or small time 2bhonest) iv got a way out. But a little part of me still hopes that if i stick around for long enough i might find a reason to dicth my escape route and live because i want to not because i mite aswell.
I hope i didnt jus make u feel worse.
goodluck :)

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