I am 28, own my own home in a good neighborhood in the bay. I am a full time sleuth and part time law student. I have loving parents and like everyone else an asshole sibling who I love. I struggle everyday to find motivation to continue, wake up, get dressed, wash my hair, put my face on, and smile like nothing is wrong.
I am in constant pain from a recent accident, I have been slacking off at work, dressing down on all days not just Fridays. I never wear make-up anymore and I never give 100%. Same goes for school; half the time I wonder why I am even still attending. I originally enrolled to prove I can be an attorney. It was a challenge; I am not loosing but I am sinking.
My personal life sucks as I am overweight. Ironically I lost 30 lbs and was very healthy prior to my enrollment. Now I am 40 lbs heavier because of the stress. I no longer think I am beautiful and I no longer believe I will ever get what I really want: I want to be a happy mother, a wife, and loving daughter with a J.D. Yet I don't try hard on school until crunch time, I enrolled to go to the gym a month ago but I have yet to start, I attract men who still live at home and either have crap jobs or no job. I throw myself at a guy I tell I would never take seriously and yet I can't bring myself to tell him I love him.
In addition I help everyone that asks for help and allow myself to put everyone else before me thereby setting myself up for failure. Yet I tell no one...I smoke marijuana and watch porn to feel better.
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