When i was young i moved around the country a lot because my dad kept getting new jobs. it was very hard making friends because i only spent about 2 years in each state, and being the romantic person i am, i constantly felt the need to find someone to love. its terrible because every single year i'd like some guy and i couldnt get to him no matter how hard i tried. i hate the fact that when i get a crush on someone i get to fucking attached.. i got teased in middle school because i liked this one guy and he didnt return his feelings. now im 16.
sophomore year was almost unbearable. i only went out with one guy.. didnt even count. he asked me out to a dance 2 weeks before. never went on a date, held hands, or anything but a "hi" from class to class once in a while. so i get my dress and by the time the dance comes up i learn the night before the dance that he wasnt even going to go. my best friend told me to call him. so i did. he reluctantly says, ohh yeah i was going to tell you, i lost my ticket. WHEN? i hate to sound like a bitch, but wtf? on the night of the homecoming dance he wasnt going to tell me. SO WHEN?
so i finally find this guy who i like at school. lets just call him Bob. i didnt really know Bob. as i was trying to get to know him, i didnt mean to, but i asked him out over facebook. my best friend, who also had a crush on Bob, got his number. he wanted to know what i was like. she texted him i was a nice, funny person and shit..idk the ordinary stuff you say. next thing i know shes flirting with him. WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK? its not fair. not fucking fair. i get rejected. and you know what? my best friend ends up going out with Bob. i was pissed at her. so fucking pissed. idk how i finally got over that...i made her seem like a terrible person but shes not. im serious..Bob started text flirting with her. and so she just went with it...but its not fucking fair. to this day they are still going out and im still single.
BUT WAIT THERES MORE. that was only half of my sophomore year. the other half was about this other guy. lets call him Sam. Sam, being 19 and in college happens to all of a sudden give me hints. i started getting into him, and since i get really attached to crushes, i couldnt get him outta my head. Sam is the attractive, chill guy that everyone wants to hang out with. so Sam was staring at me. for a long time i caught him staring and he doesnt turn away. about 2 weeks of me liking him, he gives me his numb. unexpectedly. i was like FUCK YEAH. we only text (sometimes) We talk awkwardly face to face but when we text my personality comes out. i like this guy so much that i journaled from time to time my progress with him. i realized just a week ago, i hadnt gotten far in 6 months. now Sam is dating some chick. and ive tried hard to get to him. ive talked to him and asked him questions. he answers them but he doesnt recipricate them back to me. its frustrating. i finally just gave up..well at least tried..its gonna take some time. i also realized that if he had liked me enough, he would have asked me out a while ago.. the only person i have ever told this to was, yet again, my best friend. shes there for me. we had a speedbump in the begining of the year that actually brought us closer as friends..strangely. if she wasnt here i...would be in pieces. im fucking lonely. mind you, this all happened in my sophomore year of highschool.
look..im sorry if i sound like a complete bitch throughout this entire rant.. i just needed to tell others what i am feeling. my life doesnt completely suck, but i cant not beat myself down about anything.. im sorry. im just frustrated. | |
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