LIFE SUCKS

pathetic

i am a 13 years old female. my family is falling apart... no it has already fallen apart. my mother has been cheating on my father for almost a half year and we just knew last month. my father was and still is very sad and hallow i guess. he is very moody and drinks a lot. and my childhood wasnt good either my dad used to hit me a lot and because of that i am afraid of everything and iam very shy my mother also used to call me names and swear at me. and also my mom used to give him (her lover) money like 22 000 dollars and we (me and my sisters) couldnt afford a lot of thing because of that. to top it all my sister is so perfect. i am invisible next to her. people approach me in order to get to know my sister. all my friends like her more and when we talk we always talk about her so i dont have any friends. well i dont blame them. my sister is very pretty has the nicest body i have ever seen and an amazing voice. she plays the guitar and is very smart and writes stories and she has published in a lot of magazines and in new york times!!! i am just walking in her shadow. she also is going to a very famous collage. she stole my boyfriend and she told im fat and that i never will get a boy better than him so i guess she is right im just a loser. everytime i try at something she beats me sometimes i think of killing her but i am a coward and i cant hurt a fly. i just want life to end and everyone just tells me why cant you be like her. i am really pathetic.........