maybe its just me and i need some drugs. i always wondered what made people snap and if i had a breaking point.... i think im close. never thought my life would come to this point. i was happy once... now im not and im stuck. (right now im trying to type and my wife is bugging me). retired after 20 years in the navy and working for a government contractor. married with two step girls (not step daughters). theyre 16 and 20, 4 and 9 when i first met them. use to play and joke around with them and tried to be a good parent. that was then, now i dont want anything to do with them. never use to swear in front of them, that was a big deal to me. now its fck this fck that i really dont give a sht anymore. i just want them out of my life. the older one moved out awhile ago and now she wants to move in. im thinking about leaving if she does. im to the point where things that would never have pissed me off send me into a fckng rage. ive thought of suicide before and have seen doctors before, took some meds but i dont anymore. could never do it, too scared, maybe someday. i think when my parents and older brother pass away i will definitely end it. love my family but theyre back in michigan and my wife fckd up that relationship. id like to just visit with them without her. bought this house in 2006, it was built in 2003, looks like it was built in 1803. between the kids and animals this place is a sht pit. now my wife is questioning what im doing.... leave me alone. i think i could just ramble on and on but i just want to vent. if people read this they will probably think im psycho but ive been dealing stupid shit for the past several years..................fck, im done | |
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