LIFE SUCKS

sick of it all

i had everything, a great education, great looks, charming skills... then i did a music degree in a town far away from home and everything changed. i got into drugs, then when i finished my degree i moved to europe with a student loan. things started to take off pretty quickly, i became a DJ and was DJing at all the best clubs, then i got a record deal... then everything turned to shit. it took 5 years for the damn record to get put out - not because it wasn't finished but becos the record company was so busy. in the meantime i did drugs, got drunk and told everyone i was going to be a superstar. i even had 2 abortions becos i thought i was going on tour and couldn't go with a baby... fuck i really fucked up. then the album FINALLY was put out and it was a HUGE success. big page reviews in every main newspaper and music magazine, invitations to play massive festivals and concert halls all around europe... but by then i was already broken and fucked up by my life. i just couldn't get anything together. i was mourning for my babies and i was frustrated and annoying to the people in my band. everyone ended up dropping out or i fired them, and then i got a bad reputation. i tell you what, you can have 10 kids on the bread line, but a bad reputation is the hardest thing ever to live down. now i got a kid, finally, he's just gorgeous, and got offered a new record deal, and i have a 2nd chance at doing it big time, and properly, but i just realised that my partner is a horribly abusive alcoholic. he's not ugly or fat, but he's definitely on the way, and the worse thing is, he's charismatic and funny and sweet to the outside world and nobody believes me when i say i think i want to leave him. my mum is an alcoholic and a bad pill head manic depressive, and that shit just makes me crazy. what should i do??? please try not to be too bitchy or religious in your comments. constructivity is the key to enlightenment. thanks for listening :-)