Hi, I'm am 21 years old and currently (but barely) attending a university in georgia. I say barely because I am a constant failure at pretty much everything I do. Let me elaborate: my grades began to go downhill in the eighth grade where I repeatedly went to school, hating everyone and everything about it. It then continued to high school where my work ethic progressively dropped and I failed two courses my junior year. My father is consistently on my back about getting better grades but even now, I fail classes in college. I also live in the ever growing shadow of my sister's success. The only thing I am good at is music (which is my major) however, no one cares about it anymore. Its been ruined by pop culture and MTV. Even then, I cannot find the motivation to get up in the morning and pretend to care. In between all of that my father consistently tells me how I'm failing only to remind me that I'm not going anywhere in life. I am always worried about pleasing people; however, I care so much about what people think of me that I don't even have my own personality anymore. I feed off of everyone else's in hopes that I will become them. It doesn't help that my friends are better than me in just about everything: intelligence, looks, personality. The only thing I have on them is my generosity. I am a nice person but that gets you nowhere in life. As a result of being too nice I have been left by the past two girls I've dated for other people. The first left me for someone at her work. Unfortunately I got hired at that place the very same day she told me she didn't want to see me anymore. The next just stopped talking to me altogether. I am living in fear now that the girl I'm dating is getting bored with me and will soon follow the same path as the rest. In all, its not near as bad as some of the people on here, but having a bleak future is starting to weigh pretty heavily on my emotions. I feel like I'm losing my grip. | |
New Comment