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Wishing upon a death star

Posted by depressed at May 13, 2011
Tags: Attitude  Death  2011 May

eversince i was little i have always been let down by people, my dad passed away when i was 2years old and i guess i never got over not remembering him im now 19 years old and i thought i had a best friend and we knew each other for 9 years combined he was always with me and we did almost everything togather i thought i would never lose him until the day i heard his mom screaming i then found out he had committed suicide, its been 2years since his death and i still havent come to terms with it.

as for my other best friend well she has a boyfriend whos a total jerk, i moved away from my hometown after i finished my schooling but i still try to keep in contact with my friend.

i love her alot and i miss her dearly but her bf doesnt want us to be friends cause he thinks that i take up to much of her time we barely communicate any more and im finding it difficult to be happy. Every time i call her she comes up with some excuse not to talk with me.


i have taken up to cutting my hands again, i honestly just cant deal with the stress anymore. i need to get out, get out of this life.


normal people pray to god for a healthy life i on the other hand pray for death i pray that god gives me Cancer or some illness thats a death sentence i feel so depressed lately all i think about is me dieng.


i wish upon stars that god sees my torture and takes me to him i would love to be dead instead of being here on this messed up Earth where all you get is pain and heartache.


i have nobody to talk to cause no1 will understand, i sit here right now and wish i were dead.


i dont know why i have been cutting myself so often but i guess its cause the physical pain is much easier to deal with than the emotional pain.


thanks for reading this


Votes:


Similar Entries:
abuse October 11, 2010
death is the only way out February 7, 2011
ahhhh April 20, 2012
untitled story February 22, 2012
untitled story November 28, 2011



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Comments:
By Grace at 23,May,11 13:03

sorry about your father and friend.I know what you are going through about wishing and praying that ,is better off when you are dead (when both my parents dieyd), ther is a reason why you are still alive.My little sister keeps me alive and you also have to find something that you are worth too,(that you have to live for).about your friend jst 4get about her
By anonymous at 06,Oct,11 05:27

Im Sorry to hear about your parents love, hope you are coping with the stress!!! im glad you have your little sister!!! but my friend was the only person i could relate to but now i dont see why i should sacrifice my happiness for her!!! as long as she is happy i guess i will be!!!!

take care love

mwahs P
By anonymous at 06,Oct,11 06:00 Fold Up

if you ever need a friend email me at hurtinghard@hotmail.com


By anonymous at 26,May,11 08:37

WITH ALL DUE RESPECT I WANT TO STATE THAT
1) YOU DONT EVEN REMEMBER WHEN YOUR FATHER DIED. WHY REGRET IT NOW AFTER SUCH A LONG TIME
2) YOUR FRIEND DID A MISTAKE. DO YOU INTEND TO REPEAT IT. STOP CUTTING YOURSELF. YOU WOULD LAUGH AT THIS 10 YEARS DOWN THE LINE
3) SOCIALIZE: TRY TO MEET WITH NEW PEOPLE. ALWAYS BE CHEERFUL. YOU WOULD BE SURPRISED AT THEIR REACTIONS. YOU WOULD FEEL GOOD/MAKE NEW FRIENDS
4) YOUR OTHER FRIEND DOES NOT WANT TO TALK. WHY DRAG THIS RELATIONSHIP. HAVE A FINAL SAY WITH HER

HOPE YOU READ AND HOPE THIS HELPS. NEVER LOSE HOPE!!
By anonymous at 06,Oct,11 05:29

Thanks for the advice

as i said i would have loved to know my father

i just felt that well God always looks past me and never helps me

oh well

thanks for your support

with love

P


By anonymous at 28,May,11 06:34

dont kill yourself...dont

just like how it fux up your head why your friend did it. it will fuk with someone in your life that you do not realize they care as much as they really do.

being alone sux i know.but eventually it gets better find a friend that you can give all of yourself to. heres my number and email justkidding@lol.com 777-ILUV no seriously i think you may be the clingy type but if you had a young man it will make the hurt go away.

i know not the best advice but love is a hella of drug.
By anonymous at 06,Oct,11 05:38

hi there sweets

well i have tried to stop the cutting and it has worked a little

i have thought about my friend and decided if she wants to contact me she has my digits

hop everything is going well with you

lotsa love
P
By anonymous at 06,Oct,11 06:01 Fold Up

if your ever wanna chat email me at hurtinghard@hotmail.com

i need some friends :)


By anonymous at 01,Jun,11 00:18

Im 31 going to be 32 soon. I have learned nothing positive in this time. I had searched all my life for love. Im bitter with God. Im a prostitute and always have been one. I am a one man whore. When a guy im with that im absolutely repulsed by and hate and dislike deeply wants to fuck me, I have to let him. It is a disgusting miserable horrid feeling. I only get off by privately fucking myself to Michael Jackson videos. I never feel lust. I never enjoy sex. I never feel hope or love or dream. Because I have mental problems, because my family abused the shit out of me in every way shape and form imaginable. I have zero friends. I try to do things for the world despite it all. Endangered animals, saving their habitat. You know me.. asking men to donate their money to these things here and there but noone on the internet cares about helping the world. I thought i'd make friends trying to help the world, and nobody cares. Me, with nothing, me with no hope, people just cut me down on the internet & in life. I want to tell you something good or positive I want to say hey I don't fucking know how Gods gonna have an excellent explanation for this...but its gotta be a great explanation, imagine how great its gotta be for this to have a justification?
By anonymous at 06,Oct,11 05:43

Hi Love

i respect you even though you feel disgusted with yourself.

just remember your soul is pure even though your body is tainted.

i have no friends either but i sometimes love my lonliness.

cause that way no1 can hurt me

please do take care of yourself and remember one thing one day when a man comes along and he loves you for your personality and not you appearence then im sure you will enjoy sex.

just be patient.

with love
P
By anonymous at 06,Oct,11 06:01 Fold Up

if you ever need a friend email me at hurtinghard@hotmail.com


By anonymous at 25,Jul,11 14:26

go to an emergency room and tell them what you have said here....it sounds like you are in real danger of killing yourself. it sounds corny but really--that is a PERMANENT solution to a temporary problem. People you would never even realize care about you will be absolutely devastated if you take your life. Please don't do that to them and don't miss out on those that care...I am speaking from experience.
By anonymous at 06,Oct,11 05:44

hi love

well i have tried to kill myself but it has been unsuccsesful.

maybe perhaps it is in my fate to be unhappy

thanks for your concern

hope you are well

take care love

lotsa love
P


By anonymous at 12,Sep,11 15:18

Hey we have a lot in common, My wife of 11 years just killed herself this may and left me alone to raise our child. I also have turned to cutting myself and drinking. As much pain as we are in I still cant bring myself to kill myself, however everyones experiences are different. I would only offer that ive dealt with pain and suffering all my life and now after four miserable months after the death of my wife i want to die. Im surviving...barley, and if I can do it I hope you can too. I chose to improvise adapt and overcome this tragedy just like everything else. there are people out there in the same position as us, some have ended it, without the courage to go on, and others have chosen to trudge on and hope that thiere miserable life will get better. If anything before you kill yourself give yourself time.
hope this helps a little. SGT. Walden USMC. and alone in mn.
By anonymous at 06,Oct,11 05:48

hi love

can i just say one thing i know its cheesy and stuff but just hold on and do it for the sake of your baby girl.

when she grows up she will want a daddy to protect her and love her.

dont rob her of the opportunity to have a fairly stable life.

dont drink you just end up with a lot of physical and emotional problems.

live for her if not for you.

take care

lotsa love
P
By anonymous at 06,Oct,11 06:02 Fold Up

if you ever need a friend email me at hurtinghard@hotmail.com


By i love pron at 25,Oct,19 23:35

pCWvTP This website was how do I say it? Relevant!! Finally I ave found something that helped me. Thanks!


By suba suba at 07,Nov,19 06:46

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