LIFE SUCKS

No joke

I was just surfing for ideas on how to put an end to all this misery and I came across this website. Hopefully, this doesn't come too little - too late. The past year or so, I have lost all hope for normalcy. True, I am working towards graduating college. That is a positive, but it doesn't substantiate a happy life in and of itself. You see, I started college 22 years and 6 universities ago. Somewhere I made a couple of wrong turns and ended up becoming a homeless, crossdressing drug addict. No lie. It took 5 years to eventually float back to the surface, and honestly I only went back to school because I was completely unemployable and without purpose. A year and a half later, I still have major anxieties and emotional hangups with just about everything and everyone. It is like I am deathly afraid to live at this point. At times, I feel totally discarded by society and worst of all by myself. I wonder when it stopped being okay to just be me? Self-pity is sometimes not a strong enough emotion to describe one of my 'bad' days. Anyhow, gratitude is a rare commodity these days, and in some ways it would have been easier to stay at the bottom. My struggles today are just as impossible if not more burdensome as when I was down-and-out. God if you are listening, I am only getting one bar on my prayer meter, and I will have to call you back.