If everyone knew who i really was...they would abandon me on the spot. If everyone knew the real me I’d probably be a dead man or...just a really hated one. first off I’m tired of all this hocus pokus bullshit about people/parents tellin ya to be yourself, standing out in the crowd, and people claiming there so “weird” and different on facebook. If people knew the meaning of that word people would not dare put up something that would bring them in the light that way because they would be jeopardizing themselves from the status quo and probably get a few deleted friends in the process of posting or acting or thinking in such a weird manner…but this isn’t about others this is about myself…the real me…I’ve kept it so far in the back of my mind from others it’s a little strange just writing it on paper…(don’t fucking ask it just sounds good ta me) if everyone knew how strongly I was attracted to little girls they would hate me big time…there’s no one way to put this I just like little girls easy as that. You know it really sucks when u find something so attractive and so beautiful and you can’t even have it as your own or express your feelings the way you want to. I remember when I was 6 and I first witnessed my mom and dad having sex…I did not see one thing wrong with it…ever since I was little I’ve known about sex and have wanted to experience it for myself…but I never have. Sucks when the only person you fucked was your 4 year old brother in the bath tub when u were 6 years old…at the time I didn’t realize it was “wrong” but don’t worry I’ve been brainwashed enough into becoming pro dominantly heterosexual (I’m not into gay sex.) lol all throughout elementary and high school I dreamed of banging my teacher….every time I heard about another teacher fucking a student I dreamed of that being me one day….i loved it so much I read a book about it…I cryed after I read the whole thing it…I thought it was just so beautiful…..I’m still a fucking virgin and it doesn’t look like things are gunna change for me….sure I was offered head from some fat chick with a pretty face but that’s not what I want….what I want is something I’ll never get and can never talk about….I’ve often fantasized about having sex with my sister, having sex with “underage” girls having sex with “trannies” ive always liked the idea of kidnapping and torture I’ve thought about just taking a gun or a knife and just slaughtering my whole family …but that’s not my style I don’t want to hurt anyone or cause anyone pain I just want to atleast express myself in some way for the most part I can’t even fucking do that. I was crucified before I got on the fucking cross…sometimes I just want to just tell everybody and get it over with…I’m tired of everything…I’m tired of being alone, I’m tired of hiding these feelings, I know there will never be rights for “pedophiles” like me, I’m the most hated type of person out there, maybe that’s why I have so much bitternes in me because no one will ever understand me. I used to watch that show “to catch a predator” every night with my sister and I laughed just like everyone else but inside I felt guilty, shame, rejection because truth is I wanted that kind of love too….i wanted to have a real loving relationsip with a girl 13-16 just like them….my own sister said to me “if i ever found out that was you I would disown you” that hurt….i could tell you my age but does that really matter? I could tell you I’m really a hebephile but that would be stating that I somehow think old guys having sex with children is wrong…which I don’t. so my life doesn’t really suck. I’m just a lame teenage virgin whose too antisocial to somehow carry on relationships with people his own age because of lack of experience so he decides to pursue the youth in the hopes of finding true love and sanity and communication rather then all the deception and materialistic bullshit of his own generation……I will never admit to my parents or anyone im a pedophile/hebephile….if I do it will be the day I take my own life in a chaotic, psychotic, very much insane fashion
That’s my story. what’s yours? ; )
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GET HELP NOWW
You need to develop good self-control. It's probably hard, and it's pretty much guesswork for me, but I think the basic, core principle is same as quitting something like smoking, drugs, or even masturbation addiction etc. You know, reminding yourself EVERY time a thought like that comes to you .. that it's WRONG.. It's something that can RUIN YOUR LIFE. But yea I know its not something like u switch mode OFF and the thoughts are gone. No way. But, you need to GRADUALLY do it. Really slowly.. You need strict self-discipline, consciousness and patience, most importantly. Remember, gradually is the key word.
j****y is that you?
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