LIFE SUCKS

Surrounded by Damaged People and a Damaged Society

I am worn out and exhausted by everything around me. In my nonprofit work, I have a boss who is fiscally irresponsible and is an angry bully who mistreats everyone. I've worked there as a director since fall 2009 and have seen over 15 directors come and go, with the majority being fired and maybe 1-2 of those leaving voluntarily for another opportunity. When she is going on a rampage, which she does regularly, a slew of emails will be sent out with the name and badge picture of another director or staff member announcing that they no longer work for the organization (she fires people in batches). Seeing those emails go out, sometimes 5 in a day, leaves us all nervous and stressed out. I've learned how to get by working with her, but it doesn't mean her abusiveness does not affect me. It's started to affect other areas of my life. Finally nonprofits are hiring fundraising staff so I am actively interviewing to get myself out of this situation. It's a shame though. Outside of my boss, I like my current position and the organization is doing great work in the community. But I can't expose myself to her abuse anymore.

My parents did a passable job when I was growing up, but they remind me of Ronald and Nancy Reagan in which they were not really there for their kids. My mom has never had a career and one week day evening, when I was at their house to have dinner, I received a slew of abusive emails from my boss and I was really stressed out about it and feeling upset and I expressed to my mom what was going on. My mom's idea of support was to tell me she was so glad she's never had to have a career so she hasn't had to deal with stuff like that. Her response alienated me even more and I decided not to stay for dinner and left. Meanwhile, she does not want me to burden my father with any of the work problems I'm dealing with, even though he's endured abusive environments as well and might have some great words of wisdom and support that can help me get through it. However, I should add that growing up, if I showed any concern about any situation, my dad did not know how to express support either. For example, right out of college, I was nervous about interviewing for jobs and was outside talking with my dad and uncle and mentioned that. My dad's face completely changed and he grew angry and he exclaimed with contempt, you just answer the questions they ask you. So maybe my mom knows his limitations and is trying to protect me from unhelpful help. But meanwhile, she is not equipped to offer any advice either.

A couple weeks ago I went to lunch with my dad (when he asks you to lunch it's not optional to say no) and he was complaining about my maternal grandmother. My grandmother has been staying with them for an extended period as she had an accident and is now trying to decided whether she wants to do assisted living here in the northeast or go back to Florida where she owns a home and do assisted living there. Since December 2009 she is no longer able to drive, or play golf, and she is in mourning. It's hard for her to lose her independence and it's scary for her too. She's also not as lucid as she has been and is aware of this and that's also painful for her. It's unfortunate that she has to live with my parents because when she is voicing sadness about missing her life in Florida, my mom takes it personally as though it means my grandmother is not happy living with them and she gets angry. What an egotist! So while at lunch with my dad, he was complaining about my grandmother and about something she had said and he said that she wouldn't know a real problem even if it came and bit her on the ass and that she has never had a problem in her life. This made me so sad. My grandmother lost two babies that died 6 months after their birth. She dealt with depression after those losses. My grandfather died in 1994 and she had to go through his fight against cancer. And she had problems just like anyone else going through life. I couldn't believe my dad would say something so mean and without feeling. On one level I understand what he was getting at, but what kind of person am I dealing with who has absolutely no compassion for anyone else's situation but his own.

So basically, I am tired of being exposed to so many abusive angry damaged people. And I don't want to turn out like them. I don't want my answer to be to become as miserable and angry and rotten as they are.