I am only 16. My sister was taken away to a mental institute twice. Once two years ago, the other was just a month ago. She was the only I had gotten close too. My mother doesn't care about my health or well being unless I am literally dying in front of her. As long as her poor-people's home is clean and tidy then she doesn't give a shit. She works two jobs and even in her free time she goes out all the time thus I hardly see her. I have 4 nieces and 2 nephews, they're all really spoilt. 4 of them are under the age of 9 and are complete and total nightmares yet I have to give up every weekend looking after them. The only friend I had who I could trust has disappeared and sided with our new college friend and together they're a tag team being what my best friend and I used to be just a couple months back. Now I am practically friendless. College has put more stressing me than ever with teachers piling up work on top of me although I've had to take many days off of college due to family issues and emergencies. I suffer from general anxiety disorder and have frequent panic attacks up to 4 times a day. they interfere with my work and sleep and I often find myself peeling myself away from others letting them carry on chatting away happily while I stay in a corner shaking uncontrollably, tears streaming down my face and my head filled with thoughts of worry, fear and suicide. Hunger makes my panic attacks worse but often I have to give up eating to afford things for college and my mum doesn't usually have money to give me for dinner money or for shopping for the house. If I'm not babysitting the brats, I am cleaning 24/7 or my mum will shout at me get pissed and stop me from doing everything. Like I said, as long as her house is clean she doesn't give a shit. I have no one to talk to about my problems. My oldest sister claims she wants nothing to do with the family, she called me a traitor and a bitch and is usually very unpleasant to yet my mum always takes her side. I am the very often forgotten younger sister of 3, my mum usually forgets my name, calls me by my 2 older sister's names instead and goes through every body's name until she reaches mine or gives up and just calls me "you". Even my doctor is unhelpful, he basically told me I have to solve my panic attacks myself. People always talk about me although I do nothing wrong, they're always cruel to me, bully me or leave me out even though I am always nice. My niceness is taken advantage off. People gossip about my shoes even though I can't afford new ones and they hate me for the way I walk (I walk like I'm on a catwalk although I really can't help it). Most of my friends are online and I only have 2. My shoulders are swollen because I've been carrying the world on my shoulders, they've been swollen for a year now. I suffer from asthma as well although no one believes me and my doctor only checked me once and then told me that it was all in my head. Even when I am doubled over gasping for breath in the midst of one of my panic attacks, heart racing and thoughts spiralling out of control people don't help or ask if I'm OK. The panic attacks ruin my life, I get them up to 5 times a day and they can last more than an hour. When I get them I feel detached from reality, and I shake uncontrollably. My mum just yells at me to calm myself down. Nobody understands and nobody listens to me, I'm all alone but they don't' care. As long as I don't pick up a knife they're not concerned. They won't care until I'm dead. I'm all by myself, on my own, feeling trapped in a prison. I have to deal with it all by myself, with no help and it's killing me. | |
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