I haven't been feeling good lately and I just wanted somewhere to write down my story. I could write it down in a journal or a notebook but I don't want to see it again and plus I feel like my words will be more alive on this site.
Im 21 years old and have been dealing with on and off depression for a while. Im not the kind of kid that should be really depressed. Im not ugly, I'm not fat, my parents arn't divorced, I don't pay bills, and I have friends. I just don't appreciate them, and for some reason I feel like I got cheated and that my friends should be better than what they are. I have this ongoing problem in which i feel like everything I have is not good enough and that me, myself am just not good enough for this green wet planet. I go to a community college and after this quarter im getting my AA, but I have no idea what I want to do and what kind of a job to get. To be honest im kind of scared, im scared that im gonna end up working at a shitty ass job and be living in a broken down apartment with shady people.
Im not a virgin and have had plenty of sexual encounters with many women. I've made out with over one-hundred, no doubt in my mind, and have had sex with over 15 women. For some reason though I still feel ugly and feel like no girl will like me. The root of this problem is my body hair. Its not just a couple hairs on my chest, but im just really hairy. The only spot on my body that doesn't have hair are my feet and my hands, yet for some reason women don't mind and it seems that I care the most, but it doesnt help when people tell me its ok and that I shouldn't care because deep down all I want is to be what i consider normal. Im not fat but i feel like i am. Im 5"11 180lbs at like 12%bf. but i feel like I should have a sixpack and be super ripped. I dont know why this bothers me so much, because of this I diet and exercise all the time but because im a semi-alcoholic i always fuck up. i count calories and am obsessed with wanting the pefect body, it makes me feel good knowing that people are talking about me and staring at me, i know how vain that sounds but im a pretty vain person, I blame it on all the women feeding me lies.
i used to be real edgy and crazy and lately i feel dull and boring. all my friends are always talking and happy and im just quiet and depressed. I get angry really easy, and am probably irritated, but I dont know what to do to stop it. I've definitely experimented with drugs, ive done acid, shrooms, coke, mdma, crystal-meth, plenty of prescription drugs but i've never had a drug problem and only have done most of these a couple times in my life. I smoke weed everyday and I feel like I cant stop. Its a love/hate relationship because I feel like its holding me back, but at the same time it makes me feel better sometimes.
I dont know what else to say Im just really depressed right now, and have no reason to be. I just went and skated for 2 hours, had tons of girls look at me, my friend just called me to have sushi, and my other friends and 2 girls want to kick it. what the fuck is wrong with me. | |
now off you go and do something about it, instead of sitting there rotting and complaining. i did that for three years. it sucked.
- if u want the perfect body, exercise and do the best u can to lay down alcohol, since it sux in ur case
- u don't wanna have hair in ur body ? go shave it, u'll have to do it every single 5 months, but whatever u asked for it, but be sure after that u'll just look like a fag (no offense) and u're gonna date only bisexual women.
Straight women like straight guys, and straight guys don't really have to shave to look like straight guys, but if u feel like u need to shave ur whole body, like urgent need ect... to feel perfect within u, then go ahead... u know wut i'm sayin ? I'm grossly hairy too xD and btw I'm lovin it, I just wish my dick was as hairy as my chest, but fuck it :)
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