LIFE SUCKS

Im in fucking hell right now

I am a 25 year old male, my future looks bleak at the moment. It didn't always feel this way. When I was 17 I met the girl of my dreams, had friends, thought I had great personality and I started working in marketing making decent money doing doing something I enjoyed. I started losing work a few years ago and had to take a bunch of shitty temp jobs. I felt like I had been getting screwed over by employer after employer, I had managers threaten me and belittle me constantly while I worked at these minimum wage jobs leaving little to no self confidence left inside. I was diagnosed with a tumor in my neck and shortly after that my girlfriend of 9 years left me. I couldn't control my anxiety and therefor couldn't keep a job, so now I live with my mother. I've had several manic depressive episodes in the time I've lived here. I go out drinking alone and when I try to talk to anybody I end up feeling like I've just made a fool out of myself. I've been drinking daily and can't see myself going anywhere. My waking thoughts are of putting a shotgun under my chin and pulling the trigger.