I feel like the past 4 years God has been using me like a piece of tissue to wipe his ass crack. Why? I didn't do anything to him. In fact, all I did was try to make good decisions, and keep my head up when ish came my way, and keep my eyes on the prize when people were trying to push me down, and even just be a good person and treat people well. But person after person seemingly randomly out of thin air just comes along trying to shit on me like I did something to them. I try to make moves and they go nowhere. When life just feels like too much I just try to keep putting one foot in front of the other, and eventually I may feel a little better, but the facts of life remain the same. People keep telling me that things will get better but then they don't. People keep telling me that I'll get this and that and the other thing or something great will happen or whatever, but it doesn't. I wish they would just shut the hell up with their prophesying I am sick to death of hearing about it. And no I can't be thankful or joyful, about the only thing I have to be thankful for is that I'm not homeless, and yes I do recognize that it could get worse, but it only seems like a ticking time bomb to me, not something to be joyful about. I really don't know what I'm doing wrong. Although now I have come to realize that just because something bad happens doesn't mean I did something wrong. Okay, but to be kept down like this for so so long... what is that all about? I don't get it. As far as I see it, the rest of my life isn't going to be that great anyway, but could you at least allow me to function? Like a normal person? Why do you keep giving me shit? |
If I were "nice" I'd say "May God bless you and keep you free from pain." Well I'm not are I hope you get every malady mentioned here as well as all the mental pain folks here are dealing with. Your mother must be so proud. Oh lets find out, you didn't really think posting as ananymous really hid your IP did you? Enjoy your subscription to NAMBLA as well as all the other mags we signed you up for.
God bless you friend.
2. There is something you could call "god", which is the web of cause and effect that's responsible for the structure of existence itself.
3. That web of cause and effect CAN and IS affected by humans, more specifically our actions. Each action causes some minor effect on the overall web, imperceptible at the local level, but which will have an effect down the line, somewhere, sometime.
4. So "god" is the millions and millions of actions that people take each second. The enmeshing of those actions in the cosmic web of cause and effect is what "causes" the things in your life that you don't like. In a very metaphorical way, then, it's people themselves and their existence that "hate" you.
5. But unless you can kill all people and destroy all existence, there is nothing you can do about it. And even if you could, destroying existence would also destroy yourself, of course.
So I'm afraid there is no way to make this "god" stop hating you. You still have a choice of hating it back. Or I suppose you could love it, instead. I'm currently dealing with the exact same thing, and I can't make up my mind about how to respond to the fact that existence itself hates me for no reason. The temptation to kill myself is big, but the drive to know the answer is much more powerful. So I'm sticking around, searching for answers. I hope I can get back to you in the future with more.
me right back to where i was then gives me more to handle well i don't know how much i can handle if this keeps up i will show him how much i care by ending my life the joke will be on him
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